Montessori vs. Traditional Education

This weekend/week we will be finishing our makeshift classroom that we have designated in our home (pictures to follow). We felt it was important to designate a room strictly for school activities that way the kids understand can really get in the mood when its time for school.

We don’t designate a specific time for school since its child led education. We let them choose what they want to do within reason of course and I like to take real life and turn it into a learning experience… it doesn’t get more hands on then that!

My next few blogs I will explain what subjects we will be participating in and why we chose those subjects. For now I wanted to share with you a Montessori vs. Traditional education table to help you better understand the differences between the two.

The following table shows the differences between Montessori and traditional schools.

MONTESSORI

TRADITIONAL

- Three-year age span - Motivated by self-development - Self-correcting materials - Hands on learning manipulating objects - Individual learning - Teacher is observer and directress - Cycles of activity completed within child’s time - Few interruptions - Freedom to move and work - Materials used in sequence with presentations - Work for joy and sense of discovery - Environment provides discipline - Encouraged to help each other - Child chooses materials  - Child sets own pace - Emphasis on concrete - Reality oriented - Recognition of individual sensitive periods - Child free to discover alone - Carefully organized environment - Multisensory materials to develop specific skills - Self education through self correcting materials - Respect of child foremost

- All one age - Teacher motivated - Teacher corrects errors - Teacher lectures - Group learning - Teacher is the focal point and dominant influence - Activity cycles determined by set time - Frequent interruptions - Assigned specific class periods - Materials are used with no prior instructions - Work because you have to complete task - Teacher provides discipline - Seek help from teacher - Teacher sets curriculum - Teacher sets pace - Emphasis on abstract - Much role playing and fantasy - All children are treated alike - Teacher continuously guides child - Materials placed at random - Play materials for non-specific skills - Use of reward and punishment in motivation - Community needs take precedence

Is Surrogacy Selfish? I Find Myself Asking Myself This Question

This subject has crossed my mind a few times but I guess I always brushed it off. While surfing I stumbled upon this “blog” I guess you would call it and while I read it I couldn’t hold back from crying. Read it and then I will continue.

http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/

When I started considering surrogacy I was only 19, had just found out I was pregnant with twins and just not in the best situation. I knew that I wasn’t ready to peruse anything. As I became more stable I started looking into it more seriously and looked for “the perfect couple”. I talked to a LOT of couples/singles, must have been around 30 or so and as eager as they seemed they just didn’t seem right for me. When I finally did find my “perfect couple” I was so excited I didn’t really try to get to know them as much as I should have. When we met it seemed so right that I just knew they were the ones and I was ready. After reading a lot blogs and articles it seems that I was lucky that it went as smoothly as it did.

When I became pregnant, money, them backing out, miscarriage, it was the last thing on my mind. I guess I was so focused on trying to make them feel comfortable, gain their trust and reassure them that I never focused on much else. And after reading this “blog” I guess I forgot to think about the baby and what potential effect it may have on her as she grew up. it wasn’t until in the last 6 months that I really started thinking about it but I always put it in the back of my mind. Recently when these feelings came back strongly, the mother assured me that it would be ok, and I did believe her.  After reading this, I’m scared all over again.

During my whole pregnancy I never felt connected to the baby, ever. Was I wrong for that? Yes, it was best that I didn’t, it made it easier, easier for me, the intended parents, but was I wrong? I was focusing so much of my emotions on the intended parents and how much they wanted this that I never gave myself a chance to get attached. To me, it never felt like she was mine, it always felt as if she had been trying for 14 years to come into this world with almost as many failed attempts that maybe this was the only way she could come though. In my mind I was just giving her back. This is how I feel, this is how the parents feel but how does SHE feel. Regardless of how she is raised, regardless of the love she will get from her mommy and daddy and regardless of how much she is told that she was wanted, the reality is that each child is an individual and will come to their own conclusions and the honest truth is that she may feel unwanted by me, that she was just made for a purpose.

This boy obviously went through a lot and his situation isn’t completely like ours. Me and my IP’s are pretty close, we can easily hang out as friends and it not revolve around the baby, they reassure me that she will always know who I am but the fact of the matter is, its still possible for her to share some of the same feelings this boy feels. I can try and prepare myself for the unknown but when it comes to this subject I just don’t think I would ever forgive myself if she felt this way.

Being a surrogate has been relatively easy up till now. It’s been over 2 years and besides being happy for the parents, very little feelings have come up on my part. Now I am starting to think that a part of me was selfish and that I jumped into something that I wasn’t completely prepared for, because you can’t always prepare for the unexpected. “it takes a very selfless person to do what you are doing”, that helped my feeling stay away but reading this “blog” makes it more real and harder to deny.

here is more from his blog that also share other similar stories. http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/blog/

More Of My Tattoo In Progress

Here is more of my unfinished tattoo. 

here is the link to see what the butterflies, cocoon, Caterpillar and cherry blossoms mean to me

http://rlifew5plus.blogspot.com/2011/04/my-new-tattoo.html

the unfinished dandelions remind me "to see beauty where others see nothing" and the tire swing reminds me to never take life seriously. To always be fun, carefree and comfortable in my own skin, just like my kiddies.

spots still need to be filled and color added but so far I am happy with it!

Halloween 2011

It's been way to long since i have blogged but with the move, ridge and Nathans birthday, Halloween, our wedding reception and Christmas i just haven't found the time to blog. 

in September we moved to ASU family housing and kept busy juggling Nathans school schedule me working nights a couple times a week and unpacking. we unpacked pretty fast but its always those random boxes that seem to take forever. around the same time we were busy planning our reception and making everything for that since it was a DIY reception so those random boxes got shoved in the corner and left for a good month, out of sight out of mind right?

we celebrated Ridges birthday Oct. 5th with our family of 5, Nathans mom, sister and her son Jax with Teppanyaki (The kids fave) and cake for desert. Nathans Birthday was just 2 days later so we really just combined the two. we may have done a dinner or something but to be honest i don't really remember.

our reception was Nov. 26th, the weekend after thanksgiving and we stayed really busy with that but i will save that for another blog when we get our pictures back .

for now i will just leave you with some pictures from Halloween.

we went to Schneph farms with the kids and they had fun as always. they all rode the rides and this year they decided to go on the roller coaster. At around that time we were the only people there so it was nice not having to stand in line. the roller coaster was small and looked very child friendly. boy was i wrong!!! maybe it was because we were the only ones on it or maybe looks can be deceiving, either way, that thing was scary. jazzy cried. even though Ridge wasn't crying he was scared poopless and Jayvin was having the time of his life.  I may or may not have screamed myself.

 we have made it a tradition the last couple years to make the kids costumes. with the exception of Ridge because Rick and Anna have bought his two years in a row as a birthday present. this year Nathan and i made all three of them.

This isn't a random picture. Nathan told Jazzy to find him a costume from their dress up box. she came back with this flower hat. Nathan being his witty self told her he was a "daddy-lion" he cracks me up. He didn't actually wear it though.

 we let them pick out what they wanted to be. Jazzy picked an angel. she was excited to wear make-up for the first time. daddy wasn't thrilled but he had to admit how stinkin cute she looked!! (notice the naked-ness. Like i promise in all my other blogs i swear my kids have clothes, they just hate wearing them at home)

 we bought one big foam pumpkin from the craft store (at $10 each i couldn't fathom spending $30 on pumpkins) this year we have began a new tradition. the kids get to pick a picture and carve the pumpkin themselves. this is why we decided on fake pumpkins that way we can set them out every year and hopefully be able to look back at them and see how the kids imagination have grown over the years. I'm sure as they get older we will buy individual ones but for now one sufficed. it was easier to have the kids draw the object on paper and then i traced it onto the pumpkin and Nathan carved it.

Jazzy drew a cat and what a lovely cat it is!

 this is Ridge's. not sure what it is but he did a great job!

 Jayvin decided that the pumpkin just wasn't a pumpkin without a face, so a face he drew.

I guess I fibbed, We didn't make Ridge's costume, I completely forgot till i got down to this picture, he insisted on wearing one of his dress up costumes. We made a robot costume for Jayvin which i think came out really cute. He went around the whole night saying that he had "Home Depot" legs. My favorite part of his costume are the two round push lights on the front of him. I joked that he was "flashing" me when he turned them on. at the bottom are just some light switches. 

I let the kids pick out a costume for mommy and they said "bunny" so a bunny I was. They actually had ears and tail already in their dress up stuff so that was easy.

this was the first year they have gone trick or treating. we usually stay home and hand out candy since we normally take them to Schneph farms, of the Halloween events they have at church. But there aren't many kids that do trick or treating around here so we went to ASU family Trunk or Treat to do our trick or treating and then went to a neighborhood to look at haunted houses which the twins wanted nothing to do with it but Ridge had a blast. 

one blog done.... way to many to catch up on!

Would You Choose Abortion???

I copied this and would like you to read it before you read what I have to say about the matter.

A recent headline-maker: A Florida couple are suing an obstetrician and two ultrasound clinics for not warning them that their son would be born with just one leg and no arms. The defense is saying Ana Mejia signed forms that indicated she understood an ultrasound—she had seven during her pregnancy—is not a guarantee of a “normal” baby. Her son, Bryan, is now almost three years old. “He sees kids running and playing. He looks like he wants to do the same, but he just can’t,” she said during the trial, expected to wrap up this week. Had she known about her son’s disabilities, she proclaimed, “I would have had an abortion.”

It’s a question that can make your heart and head ache: If you had a choice, and your beliefs permitted abortion, would you have chosen to have a child with special needs? That’s what went through my mind when I read that story.

Knowing my child, a beautiful boy with cerebral palsy whose disabilities are a normal part of his life and ours, I would answer “Of course I would have chosen to have Max.” And yet, I am not completely sure of what my answer would have been back then. The fear of the unknown might have consumed me. Having a child with disabilities can seem like a terrible fate…until you have a child with special needs.

My hindsight is clouded by my love for my son. He has changed my perspective, my understanding, my soul. I am grateful for him, and the happiness he brings me. I would not be terrified to have another kid with special needs—quite the opposite. I understand why people choose to adopt kids with special needs, something my husband and I have discussed.

It is now public record that the mother in this trial would have aborted her son. Most likely, she admitted it because she thought it could help sway the jury and win the case, along with money the boy needs for his future care. The judge did not allow the defense attorney to ask Ana Mejia how she could say she would have aborted a child who she loves, given that she was talking about what she would have done before she had him. When he asked her, “Does his life have value?” she responded, “Yes, a lot of value. Great value.”

What are your thoughts on the case? Is this a choice you’ve ever thought about?

After having kids of my own I can understand the over whelming feeling of the unknown. Not knowing what your child’s and your future has in store. Now saying that, I can say without a doubt in my mind that I would never abort one of my children after finding out they have special needs. Of course unless it was life threatening but that’s not what we are talking about. We are talking about special needs, a completely innocent, loving gift.

I found out I was pregnant at only 2 to 3 weeks. That’s pretty soon I know. I literally felt pregnant with in those 2 weeks and took a test. Then when I had my first ultrasound at 8 weeks to confirm how far along I was it was exactly 6 weeks after I took the test. I had HG during my pregnancy which is the cause of my early pregnancy symptoms and weight loss of 25 lbs in 2 months. Because of these symptoms the doctors took test and did extra ultra sounds to figure out what was going on. And one point I was told that one of the babies may have had some sort of special needs but at then only 1o weeks it was too early to tell what it would be. Going home with that feeling of the unknown was very overwhelming. When the doctor told me this though I remember thinking in my head I don’t care what it is I’m having these babies. It turned out to be nothing obviously but that is how I know with every certainty that I would not abort in this situation.

I never did understand how one could be ok with choosing abortion for this reason, but I know for a fact there are more people that would then you would think. When I was looking into being a surrogate I remember that this was always one of the intended parents first 3 questions.  “If we find out that the baby has special needs are you willing to abort” ? My answer was always no and I must tell you it was this reason that I began to lose hope of ever finding the right IP’s. I must have turned down at least 25 IP’s because of our different beliefs in abortion. It was even harder for me to understand these people, these people who have waited year and years for a precious baby and just because the baby isn’t “perfect” then this baby is just not good enough for them. I can’t tell you how many time I wanted to scream “beggars can’t be choosers you ungrateful people”!

If you cant love this child then I know there will be someone out there who will But to abort a child who will only know their specials needs as their life and will learn to use what they have is so sad to me. often its these people in life that teach us how to have compassion and have a new perspective on life! Have you ever seen how happy a child with down syndrome is, completely content. Or have you see the documentary of the lady with no arms and one leg. she learned to feed herself with her foot, cook, clean completely lived alone and went on with life happy and feeling blessed!

Have you ever been in this predicament? Ever faced with having to ask yourself, “will I choose abortion if my child has special needs”? if so I want to hear your side and I can promise to put any of my judgmental views aside if it means me being one step closer to understanding the other side of this!

Reception In Progress

Nathan and I have been getting a lot done with our reception and its going so smoothly!! Yesterday we spend 2 hours registering at Bed Bath and Beyond which I think Nathan had more fun than I did lol. We kept going back and fourth whether we were going to register but after my Mom, Anna, my aunt and several other people said we would be crazy not to we decided to go ahead with it. So far we have every detail planned along with food, décor, entertainment and colors of course. We have come WAY under our nonexistent budget… meaning we never really had a budget, just kept everything as cheap as possible! We knew we wanted some elaborate décor but to keep it cheap I decided to do everything myself but do it in a way that it doesn’t look like a DIY reception. So far I have accomplished just that. We have also decided to use about 90% recycled or reused products for everything to keep it eco friendly. I have made many practice projects to make sure everything will work out perfectly. Here are a few pictures and keep in mind this isn’t what everything will look like since I have had to be using items I had laying around for my practice projects so the colors and such are obviously not right! by the way.... not all the pics are mine but my cam is on the fritz so I download some that look VERY similar to mine like the jar picture

These are our silverware... well actually its fully biodegradable bamboo ware and really cheap, also very cute!! of course we will be using Biodegradable plates and bowls as well.

We are making oragmi butterflies to hang on the rim of the wine glasses. these will serve as the name tag things that let people know where to sit. I dont know what you call them =)

My jars that I have been collecting are coming into use. I wont be putting flowers in them though, instead candles but I cant get a good pic with the candles and my cam is on the fritz.

 DIY wire table number holders. they are simple but I think really cute.

and lastly tissue paper flowers. I am making 12 huge balls of them as center pieces. kind of like the kissing balls except way cheaper, these costed me about 50cents a ball compared to $50 to $100 a ball that I have seen them for made with silk flowers. usually you would use styrofoam balls for the middle to stick the flowers in but thats not very eco friendly is it! instead the kids and I have been making big paper mache  balls. (and yes the flowers are made entirely out of tissue paper and SO easy to make

So with a little creativity everything is coming out great. were at about $2000 and that includes the rentals and DJ (thanks to Tarek a dj I used to work with who is amazing) and entertainment. all that needs to be done is alterations to my dress which was estimated at $100 and food which has been priced out to $300.  It doesn't seem like you can do much with such a little amount but creativity and TIME go along way.

Our Wedding

OK, again LONG overdue! I think that’s becoming a catch phrase for my blog. As I’m sure everyone know by now Nathan and I semi eloped July 21^st 2011. Several months prior to our wedding we had made very last minute plans to go see my Na-Na and other Bama family because we had just found out that my Na-Na had cancer and may not make it so we figured we would stop out in Oklahoma to see grandma and grandpa too. Nathan and I actually got engaged 1-11-11 at Grandma Grandpa’s house so that’s how the crazy idea got started. We thought it would be great to get married in the same place that we got engaged AND it was perfect because it being Grandma and Grandpas it was that much more meaningful.

We planned the whole thing in maybe two months. From the begging we knew we wanted something very small and quaint. No big hoopla, not a lot of people, no uptight dinner, just something stress free that made it easy for Nathan and I to just focus on each other, after all that is what a wedding is about, two people becoming one and promising themselves to each other forever. I think a lot of wedding have so much stress and chaos over dresses, family, what food will be served and what will the cake look like that often couples lose sight of the reason that they were having a wedding to begin with. The vows are for us, the other stuff is really for everyone else.

It was PERFECT! Exactly what we wanted! Two nights prior Sheila had asked to take the kids for the day so Nathan and I took advantage of the day tying up loose ends. Sheila had asked if she could do something special for us which I thought was so sweet of her. We had told everyone not to do anything that we didn’t want any elaborate dinner or celebration and they stuck to that well! Te day of Nathan, the kids and I spent the day slowly getting ready. It was so nice being so laid back. I mean we didn’t even pick the spot in the yard where we wanted to have the ceremony till just before. Its several acres of farm land and we didn’t know where the shade would be so we just waited too around that time. We picked a spot overlooking the grassy hills with some cows in the distance. We set the arch up under a tall tree. It was PERFECT!! It was hot that day but I swear as soon as we headed out side in became overcast. I had shoes to wear but not wanting to step in stickers I opted for my sneakers. Nathan laughed at me and said they were my running shoes.

I left Maureen in charge of sitting with the kids during the ceremony but I told her to just let them be them. I wanted everything to showcase us and how we were as a family, even if that meant Ridge carry his bear down the aisle or jazzy yell back to me and Jayvin as we walked crossed the dive driveway down to the arch “look both ways”. They all sat very quietly though. As Nathan took my hand Ridge decided that daddy was getting to close so he became a bit jealous (as he often does) so he took action. Ridge walked over, bear in hand and stepped right between Nathan and I. he looked at Nathan and then wrapped himself around my legs for the remainder of the ceremony. It had to be the cutest thing.

The ceremony took all of 20 mins and then we were done. Sheila had the kids surprise us with rice bag to throw at us as we walked back to the house. The second we went inside I made sure everyone was done taking pictures and then changed into some shorts and a tank top (classy I know). Sheila and Maureen had prepared some chicken salad sandwiches for dinner, very simple and we ate standing up. PERFECT!! Then we enjoyed the cupcakes that the kids had made while at Sheila’s it was a great surprise……… and that was it really. Like I said simple, pretty, intimate and…… PERFECT!!

Nathan and I decided not to get our wedding license in Ok since we wanted it where we lived and to be honest we wanted to enjoy our time out there not worry about having to go to the court house. So about 3 days after we got back to Az we went to the court house up here and signed our certificate. It was actually funny because the judge who signed our certificate was a judge Nathan knew all too well lol. Back in Nathans rebellious days he had got into some trouble a few times. The judge that completed our certificate was a judge Nathan had seen about 3 times. We joked on the way home “well at least it wasn’t a complete stranger who re married us… so that’s significant” a joke that not many other people would probably find funny (unless maybe you’re my mom who thought it was hilarious…. Or my aunt, uncle, cousins, ok probably my whole family cause that just the way we are) lol.

Anyways here are some pre wedding pics and some of the big day!