We Might Be In Some Trouble...

i just had to do a quick blog to announce something that has already been known by many. jazlynn and jayvin are spitting images of me and Nathan and I'm not just talking physically. tonight they have proved it! the kids have this set of learning books that were FYI very expensive! about $250 for 10 of them... so you can imagine that i like to keep then picked up and organized. yesterday while rearranging their room (only for the 5th time) i had to remove their shelf that have homed these books so i could move their bed. i have not till today put the shelve up which left the books temporary home to the floor, in a neat organized stack of coarse. well Ridge aka Tank was being his usually Tank of a self and plowed the books over leaving them to be in a scattered mess all of the floor. well i asked the kids to pick up and jayvin hopped to it while jazzy was in the potty. he stacked them nicely but no where near to mine and jazzy's standards at all. i of coarse just praised him but jazzy being a mini me went in and took over. she re stacked the books by color size and faced the the same way. jayvin had a fit so Nathan solved it by having them take turns. the rules were simple. they could each put their book how they pleased and the other couldn't touch it. so jazzy went first and she did as she did before...perfect and neat, you know, the logical way. then jayvin...well he did it a Nathan way and to top it off while he t put his book opposite of jazzy's he looked at her the whole time and smiled as if to say..."haha you cant fix it"! that's sooo Nathan right there and the whole time jazzy is in the corner twitching and doing this thing with her feet as if she had to potty and she was actually holding her hands over her mouth to refrain from saying something to him....and that's me to a "T"! what have we done is all i can say UGH!

Olivias Birth...I couldn't Have Wished For More!

so after almost 3 months i am finally ready to write about olivias labor and delivery.

for about two weeks before actual labor began i had prodromal labor wich is when your body stays in first stage labor until it finally starts actual labor. this can last days and even weeks and for me it was almost 2 weeks. i had painful contarctions every 30 mins for the first 2 days, then the next 3 days they were every 15mins apart and after that they were every 3 to 5 mins. apart. some would have me barreled over in agony and others were just a crampy uncomfortable feeling. i kept telling rick and anna every couple days that "today might be the day" cause i never knew when it was real or not. i think after many sleepless, anxious nights rick and anna were over it and kinda put my warnings in the back of thier mind and geeze i dont blame them. so the night of the 3rd that i told rick "this is it, u will see your baby girl by tonight or tomorrow morning" they dismissed it but i didnt. when it started i knew!!!!

so anna took me shopping on the 3rd to target and san tan mall to try and get things going, we ate and relaxed. nathan did acupressure on me, rubbed my back, walked around the block, had sex, ate some spicy food and then i passed out! at 9pm i awoke with intense contractions, i relaxed in bed called anna and updated her and then took a bath cause i could no longer relax trough them. nathan set up some yummy candles, smoothing music, dimmed lights, and he rubbed my feet! at 11pm i finally called anna and told her that i was ready to go to her house and labor there. i was so afraid that if i stayed at my place that it would be to painful to drive to her house knowing i was gonna have to drive to the hospital aswell. if i waited longer im sure i would have just went to the hospital to save an extra trip. driving in a car in ACTIVE labor is INTENSE!! so i arrived at her place around 1130 and told them to go back to bed and rest. i was in alot of pain by then with my contractions every 5 mins but luckly the bradley class helped me train myself to sleep between contractions and i did that for about an hour or so. i finally decided to call my Doula and wake rick and anna up for support. i hopped in the huge jacuzii birthing tub that they got me and labored there.

it was soooo beautiful. the lights were dim, we had music going, sented candels, and the fireplace. it was amazing and so serene. it makes me wonder why anyone would even want to labor at the hospital. we bonded alot and of coarse nathan was a great coach! rick and ann didnt know what to do, they felt helpless i know but i wouldnt have been able to do it without them there. even if i could i wouldnt want to. rick and anna can now say that they were there for olivia labor not just the aftermath like most adoptions. them being there trough the whole thing was just another way i could let them experiance it through me. i know its not the same but i did what i could. at some point i hopped out of the tub and labored on the toilet which is one of the most comfortable positions to labor. it really opens u up and helps the baby come down into place. other then that i labored standing up.. olivia was so far down which i had never experiance before with twins being a csection and ridge being such a long labor due to his size and not coming down i had just never felt pressure like that before. then of course olivia turned and i felt her become posterior ugh so back labor began.

Jenny my doula rubbed my back as anna and nathan did hip sqeezes while she also mannaged to bake cookies to take for the nurses. (she is a natural muti tasker) rick even swooped in and gave a few hip squeezes aswell. then finally i started to feel that "urge" the dreaded urge to push was ariving. so i annouced that it was time to go to the hospital! anna drove and nathan was in the back seat hovered over me doing more hip squeezes. that was an intense ride for sure all i remember is saying "oooooh this hurts" "i cant do this" with nathan following "babe u are doing it, your doing great" i also remember saying "skinney jeans skinney jeans skinney jeans" lol that was my motivation after 3 years of pregnancy lol i also remeber insistaning that i hated olivia for doing this to me lol and of course i didnt mean a bit of that! we arrived and i dont think the nurse relized how far i was into labor since i was calm and just breathing through my contractions. but they checked me and i was 6 1/2 i remember thanking god for that i was terrified that i would be 1cm cause i labored with ridge for 20 hrs at home...intense labor and arrived at the hospital 1cm ugh hes still just as stubborn to this day! well they got me a room rather quickly and just 45 mins after arriving at the hospital i was 9 1/2!! rick and anna for some reason went to go get my water out of the car and by the time they arrived back i was almost ready to push. i finally told dr kells that i wanted to push and he say "go ahead" and then walked out which was fine with me, i know how to push but the freaking bitch of a nurse (she was pretty bitchy the whole time) said that i HAD to stop pushing..... thats pretty much impossible. i mean your body just pushes on its own, its not controlled unless you have an epidural which i didnt so i could feel EVERYTHING!!! my doula told me that i could keep pushing cause nurses can catch the baby and the nurse about flipped saying that SHE WAS NOT GONNA CATCH THIS BABY!!!! what a wimp, well i wipped around and told her to hush cause i have no controle over me pushing! dr kells came in and suited up. i had pushed twice while he was out of the room in a halfway squat then decided when he came in i was gonna lay back. 2 pushes later she was out. so 19 hours at home and 1 hour at the hopital and olivia was born at 620am! she was so bright eyed an beautiful anna and rick both saw her come out and they were so in couraging the whole time. nathan whispered sweet nothings in my ear the whole time and between the four of them olivia was born just the way i had hoped. the dr put her on my chest and i cried, anna cried and rick was pretty darn emotion. nathan just kept telling me how proud he was of me and all i could here was the sound of olivias beautiful voice! i looked at rick and anna and remember why i did this. to see them cry, and hug i knew that they were happy and complete and i had done that. i couldnt stop crying and the whole time all i thought was how happy i was for them!! i never once pittied myself or felt sad that she was no longer all mine. we were all just so happy, it was perfect!! i snuggled her then breast fed her and then gave her to rick and anna. they looked like the perfect family. i couldnt believe how much love this kid had around her it was amazing!! olivia was 8lbs 8oz 21in and just so beautiful and healthy. not even jaundiced one bit. something even more amazing is that we found out that olivia did not have my blood type. it is very rare that a baby doesnt have the moms blood type. she had her dads and rick and anna have the smame blood type aswell. everything has just proved that this was all meant to be and this was just one of them. also she was born around when anna had her first miscariage, its like olivia has been trying to come through for twelve years now but just couldnt. it just amazes me.

well i have the hospital stay to share as well but will have to wait till another night.

oh and for whatever reason i cant spellcheck so i appoligize for all the errors!!

www.viddler.com/explore/contactricks/videos/1/

Bradley Class....I Don't Fit In Anymore

Sunday was our Bradley class reunion which i will admit that at first i was really stoked to go... i was really excited to see all the new mommies and their babies, jenny my teacher and doula and of course rick, Anna and Olivia. we all went through our birth stories and everyone but two ladies went all natural...those two ladies had complications that led to c-sections. so I'm really proud of everyone!!!! congrats to you all!!!

here is a pic of all the Bradley Babies!!!

however the more i sat there the more i realized that i didn't belong at all. i didn't have a cute little baby to show off and call my own. i didn't have a bundle of joy for everyone to ooo and ahhh over. don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for rick and Anna, but that was allot of work for me to go through to bring precious Olivia into this world and in the end as blessed and happy i am i feel very alone.

rick and Anna have made themselves scarce after a while....whatever the reason I'm sure its a good one. I'm happy to be back to myself and have "me" back to myself. there are a few things i wish were going differently but all in all I'm good. i don't regret one bit what i did for rick and Anna at all, there wonderful people but there is one thing that to this day still bothers me. people saying or thinking that i did this for attention.....3 people specifically. i think its the most absurd thing i have yet to hear. 9 months of pain, being paralyzed on and off for 3 of those months, puking, headaches, being tired, nothing fitting, stretch marks, weight gain, doctors invading my vagina, and the list goes on is NOT worth doing for "attention" Olivia on the other hand was worth it!!!

this is Jack, olivia, and Michelle!!!