i know,a blog is long overdue. i haven't even gotten to the twins 4th bday party that was in May and were already coming up on ridge's 2nd bday here in Oct. but first i want to update everyone on Miss Olivia!
rick and anna are obviously very proud of their beautiful baby girl! as rick would say "she is very advanced for her age"! lol here she is reading like no bodies business. i mean if thats not smart i dont know what is!!
she is obviously beautiful and every time i see her i just wanna pinch her fat cheeks! i haven't been able to get myself to hold her much. i guess out of fear i don't know. I've never really developed an attachment to her and i think I'm scared that if i hold her now that i might. one day i think that ill get a grip on myself and be able to embrace her for what she is. a gift from god! i was never much of believer but when Olivia came into our lives its hard not to believe in something!
the girl is growing like a weed! here she is sitting up all by herself! i haven't seen her since mothers day and i miss her tremendously. the last few weeks have been very hard on me. I've cried often and holding back the tears has become harder and harder everyday. see the thing is, i will never regret what i have done because the happiness that rick and anna are experiencing outweighs any hurt that i will forever feel. I'm at a mourning period right now, something that i have never let myself feel till now. never the less i am so happy to have been apart of Olivia's life even if it was for such a short while. if i could do this again i would but i don't think i would ever find a better couple then rick and anna and I'm not sure if i want to even try.
I'm not sure because i didn't ask but i think she sleeps in her room now in her "big girl bed" knowing anna, I'm sure this was hard for her but look at her, shes standing like a pro! anna must be proud of her little princess.
oh my GAWWWWWD! this child is so darn cute I'm thinking rick might have to lock her up and throw away the key! my fave thing in this pic are those cute little curls that protrude from behind her ears!
as you can see she doing perfect and rick and anna are just the best. i love all of them so much! as for me.....well I'm getting there. don't get me wrong I'm happy but yes, i am hurting as well. I've had a great support system here at home so slowly i know ill make it through. seeing these pics and getting updates is what reminds me that it was all worth it. rick and anna send me updates from time to time, anna texts me at least once a weeks to say hi and even though i don't see her really, i know/think that if i ever asked too that i would be welcome any time and that is a sigh of relief. from the beginning i always said that if they wanted a closed relationship that that's fine and i would understand. I'm a constant reminder of how Olivia came about and i can only imagine that would be difficult on any mother. but now that we have had an open relationship with communication i feel it would be devastating if things were to change. well i think that's all for now. rambling is one of my many talents so ill quit while I'm ahead!
No comments:
Post a Comment