The Truth

i recently went back and read several of my blogs when i was pregnant with olivia. i realized that a lot of it seemed like i was bothered by the whole situation i was in. it got me thinking. after my surrogacy experience i was left with a very rewarding feeling. i was very happy and its something i would do again in a heart beat. so why did it come off like i was miserable? and dramatic? well i came up with a conclusion. when i started my blog it was for the sole purpose of keeping rick and anna up to date but it quickly turned into my personal diary of feelings. it was my way of venting i suppose and EVERY thing that hurt me, made me uncomfortable or pissed me off i wrote it in here and afterwards it was all done and over with, i felt much better. my blog was like a punching bag for me. it helped me get all my hormonal woes out so i could tuck it away and move on from it. I'm always aware that anyone can read my blogs and there is nothing in here that I'm ashamed of or wouldn't say in person but when i have something to say and i need to get it off my chest my blog has always been my go to regardless of how it comes off. out of my 30 or so pregnancy blogs maybe 5 or so are uppers. the others i would say are downers which makes me regret not writing more about the good. but like i said, my blog was my way of venting. as i said before EVERY bad thing that i felt it that 10 months i wrote in my blog. so the other 290 days (no i didn't do the math so this probably isn't dead on) that i was pregnant was completely blissful i assure you. rick and anna were wonderful to me. if i ever needed anything they were there for me. i cant tell you how many times anna made trips to the grocery store for me to pic up my latest craving (usually mangos) or how many times they would show up with a present in hand (usually a new shirt that anna would see and think of me) we went baby shopping many times, they not only took me to the birthing classes but paid for them and sat there with me participating just as much as the rest of the parents to be) i don't know why i didn't blog about those times more. maybe because i always talked to them about those things along with other people. but when it came to the bad things i didn't mention them much out loud, not because i was scared what others thought but more so because i know what hormones can do to the brain so i felt it would be smarter to just write it, tuck it away and move on. now that I've rambled ill get to my point in all this. i am going to make it a priority to write one post a week about something that makes me happy or something that I'm grateful for. I'd like to do it as a daily thing but I'm going to be realistic, once a week is doable! this will be my constant reminder that regardless of any bad that may come our way there is always some good you can squeeze out of it.