Puppy Paws

jazlynn and jayvins 4th birthday party was a huge hit! it may seem like a little much but first, the kids don't get presents and two, i did this for all under $250. that's $125 per child so i think i did pretty good.

Nathan has proven himself to be quite handy! i had him build this dog house that literally covered the whole entrance of the house! it was HUGE. its made out of card board and cost us about $4 to make because of the supplies. as you can see it came out really cute.

In lieu of gifts we asked that everyone to bring something to donate to a no-kill animal shelter. the turn out was great! the shelter we ended up donating to was Halo Animal Rescue. they gave us a tour of the facility and told us about the organization. the place was really clean and the dog and cats were well taken care of.

when the kids first came in we had them get pampered and transformed at the "puppy Parlor". i had made these dog ears out of head bands and felt, painted the kids nose, gave them some freckles and gave them a cute bandanna to put around their neck.

all the kids had a chance to visit "Puppy Love Pet Shop" to adopt a puppy and received their goody bags which were just brown "doggy Bags"

Nathan also made this really adorable dog house out of card board. the kids had a BLAST playing in this and its still up at grandmas house getting lots of use!
here's jazzy and jayvins friends ryan and ayden. over all there were about 30 people who attended which i was pretty shocked since no one really let me know one way or the other. so i made these cute "puppy treats" to resemble dog bones in dirt. while transporting the from one fridge to the next i dropped one all over the floor, let out a few choice words and then grabbed the camera. its looks very life like even on the floor

i thought it was suiting to serve hot dogs and then some other treats as well. this year i really tried to keep it simple with the food unlike every other year

the kids enjoyed a really yummy chocolate fountain as well. i also decided to serve everything in dog bowls......un used of course.
the first game we played was "Give The Dog A Bone". pretty much the same concept as pin the tail on the donkey. as you can tell i made the sign myself lol its horrable but you get the point!

the other game we had was a relay race to see what "pup" could get as many dog bones in the dog bowl first. every one loved this game and it took up a good 15mins.

i usually make my own themed cupcakes but i thought i would do something different this year. so we did a "barkin Robbins" essentially it was just an ice cream bar. just vanilla ice cream and then i put all the fixins in dog bowls. coconut, broken candy bars, Reece's pieces, m&m's, peanuts and prob anything else you could imagine! that too was a big hit, between the parents and kids!


i think the party was a success. either way the twins had a ton of fun and that's all that matters! now we are planning ridge's party for October and should be just as fun. we have his theme and were already planning the big bash!

Olivia, Now 7 Months

i know,a blog is long overdue. i haven't even gotten to the twins 4th bday party that was in May and were already coming up on ridge's 2nd bday here in Oct. but first i want to update everyone on Miss Olivia!

rick and anna are obviously very proud of their beautiful baby girl! as rick would say "she is very advanced for her age"! lol here she is reading like no bodies business. i mean if thats not smart i dont know what is!!

she is obviously beautiful and every time i see her i just wanna pinch her fat cheeks! i haven't been able to get myself to hold her much. i guess out of fear i don't know. I've never really developed an attachment to her and i think I'm scared that if i hold her now that i might. one day i think that ill get a grip on myself and be able to embrace her for what she is. a gift from god! i was never much of believer but when Olivia came into our lives its hard not to believe in something!

the girl is growing like a weed! here she is sitting up all by herself! i haven't seen her since mothers day and i miss her tremendously. the last few weeks have been very hard on me. I've cried often and holding back the tears has become harder and harder everyday. see the thing is, i will never regret what i have done because the happiness that rick and anna are experiencing outweighs any hurt that i will forever feel. I'm at a mourning period right now, something that i have never let myself feel till now. never the less i am so happy to have been apart of Olivia's life even if it was for such a short while. if i could do this again i would but i don't think i would ever find a better couple then rick and anna and I'm not sure if i want to even try.
I'm not sure because i didn't ask but i think she sleeps in her room now in her "big girl bed" knowing anna, I'm sure this was hard for her but look at her, shes standing like a pro! anna must be proud of her little princess.

oh my GAWWWWWD! this child is so darn cute I'm thinking rick might have to lock her up and throw away the key! my fave thing in this pic are those cute little curls that protrude from behind her ears!

as you can see she doing perfect and rick and anna are just the best. i love all of them so much! as for me.....well I'm getting there. don't get me wrong I'm happy but yes, i am hurting as well. I've had a great support system here at home so slowly i know ill make it through. seeing these pics and getting updates is what reminds me that it was all worth it. rick and anna send me updates from time to time, anna texts me at least once a weeks to say hi and even though i don't see her really, i know/think that if i ever asked too that i would be welcome any time and that is a sigh of relief. from the beginning i always said that if they wanted a closed relationship that that's fine and i would understand. I'm a constant reminder of how Olivia came about and i can only imagine that would be difficult on any mother. but now that we have had an open relationship with communication i feel it would be devastating if things were to change.

well i think that's all for now. rambling is one of my many talents so ill quit while I'm ahead!

i have not posted in forever and i guess its a lack of mojo.

tomorrow is mothers day and i am trilled. i can believe that i have now been a Mommy for 4 years now. i remember when i brought the twins home, it just so happened to me a mothers day of 06. i remember when we got them home i had a ton of mothers day card waiting my arrival from friends and family and all i remember is thinking "oh ya, that's right, i get to celebrate mothers day now"

i just wanted to share with every one how truly blessed i am. i have 3 beautiful children, they are a handful but boy are they fun! they are my angels and bring so much joy to my life.

jazlynn

you are so beautiful and oh so stubborn. your more like me then i think you will ever admit. in a way that is scary lol i don't know if the world can handle another strong minded, opinionated, stubborn, ambishes women. i have had people bring me down my whole life, tell me that i will never succeed. i was born into a life that was set up for failure but through it all i made way up and became a better person because of it. as i mom i would hate to see you go through any pain or sorrow in your life. i want to protect you from any harm or heart break. but as a person who has been there and done that i know that to better you for a successful future all i can do is be there for you, help you through your hard trials and tell you every day that no matter what you decide to do in life that i love you regardless.

mommy

jayvin

i think it is every mothers dream to have a son but i think i lucked out with you. you are so perfect in my eyes i think i am blinded by your constant need for my love. i don't want you to change from your cuddly, sensitive, handsome self. i know one day that you will grow older and push away my hugs and kisses but i know deep down that we will always have a special bond that only a mom and son share. you are my heart and i will stick by you, support you and love you through any circumstances in your life.

mommy

ridge

you are my tank, you destroy everything in your path and you have such a boyish attitude that at time i think i might loose it. you are stubborn and bullheaded and sometimes so out of control. but at the end of the day when I'm exhausted and think i cant take any more its who sits in my lap and warms my heart. you remind me what i have to look forward to in the morning and why i stick with it everyday regardless of how hard it can be. i love you and i cherish every single minute with you

mommy

We Might Be In Some Trouble...

i just had to do a quick blog to announce something that has already been known by many. jazlynn and jayvin are spitting images of me and Nathan and I'm not just talking physically. tonight they have proved it! the kids have this set of learning books that were FYI very expensive! about $250 for 10 of them... so you can imagine that i like to keep then picked up and organized. yesterday while rearranging their room (only for the 5th time) i had to remove their shelf that have homed these books so i could move their bed. i have not till today put the shelve up which left the books temporary home to the floor, in a neat organized stack of coarse. well Ridge aka Tank was being his usually Tank of a self and plowed the books over leaving them to be in a scattered mess all of the floor. well i asked the kids to pick up and jayvin hopped to it while jazzy was in the potty. he stacked them nicely but no where near to mine and jazzy's standards at all. i of coarse just praised him but jazzy being a mini me went in and took over. she re stacked the books by color size and faced the the same way. jayvin had a fit so Nathan solved it by having them take turns. the rules were simple. they could each put their book how they pleased and the other couldn't touch it. so jazzy went first and she did as she did before...perfect and neat, you know, the logical way. then jayvin...well he did it a Nathan way and to top it off while he t put his book opposite of jazzy's he looked at her the whole time and smiled as if to say..."haha you cant fix it"! that's sooo Nathan right there and the whole time jazzy is in the corner twitching and doing this thing with her feet as if she had to potty and she was actually holding her hands over her mouth to refrain from saying something to him....and that's me to a "T"! what have we done is all i can say UGH!

Olivias Birth...I couldn't Have Wished For More!

so after almost 3 months i am finally ready to write about olivias labor and delivery.

for about two weeks before actual labor began i had prodromal labor wich is when your body stays in first stage labor until it finally starts actual labor. this can last days and even weeks and for me it was almost 2 weeks. i had painful contarctions every 30 mins for the first 2 days, then the next 3 days they were every 15mins apart and after that they were every 3 to 5 mins. apart. some would have me barreled over in agony and others were just a crampy uncomfortable feeling. i kept telling rick and anna every couple days that "today might be the day" cause i never knew when it was real or not. i think after many sleepless, anxious nights rick and anna were over it and kinda put my warnings in the back of thier mind and geeze i dont blame them. so the night of the 3rd that i told rick "this is it, u will see your baby girl by tonight or tomorrow morning" they dismissed it but i didnt. when it started i knew!!!!

so anna took me shopping on the 3rd to target and san tan mall to try and get things going, we ate and relaxed. nathan did acupressure on me, rubbed my back, walked around the block, had sex, ate some spicy food and then i passed out! at 9pm i awoke with intense contractions, i relaxed in bed called anna and updated her and then took a bath cause i could no longer relax trough them. nathan set up some yummy candles, smoothing music, dimmed lights, and he rubbed my feet! at 11pm i finally called anna and told her that i was ready to go to her house and labor there. i was so afraid that if i stayed at my place that it would be to painful to drive to her house knowing i was gonna have to drive to the hospital aswell. if i waited longer im sure i would have just went to the hospital to save an extra trip. driving in a car in ACTIVE labor is INTENSE!! so i arrived at her place around 1130 and told them to go back to bed and rest. i was in alot of pain by then with my contractions every 5 mins but luckly the bradley class helped me train myself to sleep between contractions and i did that for about an hour or so. i finally decided to call my Doula and wake rick and anna up for support. i hopped in the huge jacuzii birthing tub that they got me and labored there.

it was soooo beautiful. the lights were dim, we had music going, sented candels, and the fireplace. it was amazing and so serene. it makes me wonder why anyone would even want to labor at the hospital. we bonded alot and of coarse nathan was a great coach! rick and ann didnt know what to do, they felt helpless i know but i wouldnt have been able to do it without them there. even if i could i wouldnt want to. rick and anna can now say that they were there for olivia labor not just the aftermath like most adoptions. them being there trough the whole thing was just another way i could let them experiance it through me. i know its not the same but i did what i could. at some point i hopped out of the tub and labored on the toilet which is one of the most comfortable positions to labor. it really opens u up and helps the baby come down into place. other then that i labored standing up.. olivia was so far down which i had never experiance before with twins being a csection and ridge being such a long labor due to his size and not coming down i had just never felt pressure like that before. then of course olivia turned and i felt her become posterior ugh so back labor began.

Jenny my doula rubbed my back as anna and nathan did hip sqeezes while she also mannaged to bake cookies to take for the nurses. (she is a natural muti tasker) rick even swooped in and gave a few hip squeezes aswell. then finally i started to feel that "urge" the dreaded urge to push was ariving. so i annouced that it was time to go to the hospital! anna drove and nathan was in the back seat hovered over me doing more hip squeezes. that was an intense ride for sure all i remember is saying "oooooh this hurts" "i cant do this" with nathan following "babe u are doing it, your doing great" i also remember saying "skinney jeans skinney jeans skinney jeans" lol that was my motivation after 3 years of pregnancy lol i also remeber insistaning that i hated olivia for doing this to me lol and of course i didnt mean a bit of that! we arrived and i dont think the nurse relized how far i was into labor since i was calm and just breathing through my contractions. but they checked me and i was 6 1/2 i remember thanking god for that i was terrified that i would be 1cm cause i labored with ridge for 20 hrs at home...intense labor and arrived at the hospital 1cm ugh hes still just as stubborn to this day! well they got me a room rather quickly and just 45 mins after arriving at the hospital i was 9 1/2!! rick and anna for some reason went to go get my water out of the car and by the time they arrived back i was almost ready to push. i finally told dr kells that i wanted to push and he say "go ahead" and then walked out which was fine with me, i know how to push but the freaking bitch of a nurse (she was pretty bitchy the whole time) said that i HAD to stop pushing..... thats pretty much impossible. i mean your body just pushes on its own, its not controlled unless you have an epidural which i didnt so i could feel EVERYTHING!!! my doula told me that i could keep pushing cause nurses can catch the baby and the nurse about flipped saying that SHE WAS NOT GONNA CATCH THIS BABY!!!! what a wimp, well i wipped around and told her to hush cause i have no controle over me pushing! dr kells came in and suited up. i had pushed twice while he was out of the room in a halfway squat then decided when he came in i was gonna lay back. 2 pushes later she was out. so 19 hours at home and 1 hour at the hopital and olivia was born at 620am! she was so bright eyed an beautiful anna and rick both saw her come out and they were so in couraging the whole time. nathan whispered sweet nothings in my ear the whole time and between the four of them olivia was born just the way i had hoped. the dr put her on my chest and i cried, anna cried and rick was pretty darn emotion. nathan just kept telling me how proud he was of me and all i could here was the sound of olivias beautiful voice! i looked at rick and anna and remember why i did this. to see them cry, and hug i knew that they were happy and complete and i had done that. i couldnt stop crying and the whole time all i thought was how happy i was for them!! i never once pittied myself or felt sad that she was no longer all mine. we were all just so happy, it was perfect!! i snuggled her then breast fed her and then gave her to rick and anna. they looked like the perfect family. i couldnt believe how much love this kid had around her it was amazing!! olivia was 8lbs 8oz 21in and just so beautiful and healthy. not even jaundiced one bit. something even more amazing is that we found out that olivia did not have my blood type. it is very rare that a baby doesnt have the moms blood type. she had her dads and rick and anna have the smame blood type aswell. everything has just proved that this was all meant to be and this was just one of them. also she was born around when anna had her first miscariage, its like olivia has been trying to come through for twelve years now but just couldnt. it just amazes me.

well i have the hospital stay to share as well but will have to wait till another night.

oh and for whatever reason i cant spellcheck so i appoligize for all the errors!!

www.viddler.com/explore/contactricks/videos/1/

Bradley Class....I Don't Fit In Anymore

Sunday was our Bradley class reunion which i will admit that at first i was really stoked to go... i was really excited to see all the new mommies and their babies, jenny my teacher and doula and of course rick, Anna and Olivia. we all went through our birth stories and everyone but two ladies went all natural...those two ladies had complications that led to c-sections. so I'm really proud of everyone!!!! congrats to you all!!!

here is a pic of all the Bradley Babies!!!

however the more i sat there the more i realized that i didn't belong at all. i didn't have a cute little baby to show off and call my own. i didn't have a bundle of joy for everyone to ooo and ahhh over. don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for rick and Anna, but that was allot of work for me to go through to bring precious Olivia into this world and in the end as blessed and happy i am i feel very alone.

rick and Anna have made themselves scarce after a while....whatever the reason I'm sure its a good one. I'm happy to be back to myself and have "me" back to myself. there are a few things i wish were going differently but all in all I'm good. i don't regret one bit what i did for rick and Anna at all, there wonderful people but there is one thing that to this day still bothers me. people saying or thinking that i did this for attention.....3 people specifically. i think its the most absurd thing i have yet to hear. 9 months of pain, being paralyzed on and off for 3 of those months, puking, headaches, being tired, nothing fitting, stretch marks, weight gain, doctors invading my vagina, and the list goes on is NOT worth doing for "attention" Olivia on the other hand was worth it!!!

this is Jack, olivia, and Michelle!!!

Jayvin Addison

so i while back i did a post on jazlynn and her progress over the last 3 1/2 years so today ill do one about Jayvin.

Jayvin aka Bubby is a wee bit sensitive at times. he gets his feelings hurt easily and and is very shy and passive. his fave thing to do is tinker with his toys. when i say that i mean he doesn't play with his toys, he trys and figures them out, how they work and how they are put together. grandma once said that hes going to be a mechanic but I'm shooting a little higher and going for an engineer for NASA!

Bubby has an incredible memory. he can hear a song once and sing it perfectly every time after. this means we sensor alot of what the kids hear and see. jayvin loves math, he can add and subtract using numbers 1-10. he can write and resite all his letters, he reads up to about 50 word and LOVES to draw. he know the normal, abc, counts to 100, shape and how many sides and angles they have and his colors. the thing that i love is that the twins both know about 15 word in Spanish (not counting numbers 1-15 cause they know those to) that's much more then me but Nathan is pretty fluent in Spanish so they get it from him.

the one thing that Bubby cant seem to get down is putting his shoes on the right feet. no matter how i explain it he just cant get it but he can dress himself so i guess its not that big of a deal. he LOVES to pic out his own clothes and sometimes this means wearing socks on his hands, his sis's undies, a cape and sometimes even Jazzy's dress up shoes. if that's the most i have to worry about with him right now that i wont complain. if he's happy and safe then that's all that matters.

Jayvin is a really good helper in the kitchen too. he has learned how to recognize the amounts on the measuring cups so as long as i poor he can read the recipes. he loves to cook and LOVES to clean as much as me and Jazzy. the poor guy hates making a mess and will cry over the smallest mess. i swear you would thing we beat him but i swear we don't.

he pees like a big boy now and i must say hes even tidy in the bathroom, he has great aim and even wipes the toilet seat off when hes done lol its a little much but still so cute! now i must say that he loves to tell you that boys have "pee pee's" and girls have "bagina's" and that everyone has a bottom lol. and he is obsessed with where baby's come from. Jayvin saw ridge born and he will narrate everything he saw...even when its not necessary. but me and Nathan are very open and we want our kids to be open as well, educated and to know that our bodies are not taboo and saying that to know that we should respect our bodies as well.

well I'm very proud of my Bubby and he is so dang smart...to smart for his own good. we got him assessed and both the twins are at a kindergarden and first grade level so i think were gonna skip preschool. i think its unnecessary at the moment, i want them to stay home for a while longer but we are looking into private schools when they get older.