Perfect Sense

in all the excitement I'm feeling a little left behind. something that i have learned (well cant really say learned cause i still seem to do it) in my my life is that when someone makes a promise, says their going to do something or makes plans with you that you should never REALLY count on that or make your plans around it. i guess i haven't learned the lesson and i might never who knows but i suppose i just expect people to stick with what they say cause when i say something i mean it. none of this is making sense i know but in my twisted mind it makes perfect sense....after all its what i feel. so in all the baby names, decorating, working, postponed play dates, shopping and all the stuff that seems to be going on with everyone BUT me I'm feeling a little left behind and starting to get a bit bitter. i think I've gotten to the point that i don't want anything from anyone and just want people to stop saying "if you need help call me" cause I've asked for the help and I've called and i kinda got pushed aside. so I'm done asking and done making plans around what others say.

this evening is our last Bradley Birthing class and even though i am going and Nathan will be going with me I'm not really looking forward to it, and I'm not sure why. me and Nathan talked and we decided that he is going to be apart of this pregnancy more then he has been. from the beginning i told him i didn't want him to be apart of it, i wanted Rick and Anna to be able to experience it in the way that he would have but i don't think that's worked out as well as i imagined. like Anna says its hard cause we don't live together and i would half agree. but i need more and right now i know for a fact i can count on Nathan more then my family, Nathans family, so called friends, and even Rick and Anna and that's just how i feel. now like always I'm feeling the need to go into some sort of explanation so this doesn't sound as bad but I'm gonna stop myself and just let it be. this is not meant to hurt any feelings and it will probably get taken the wrong way and really...that's OK I'm tired of defending myself.

Nathan has been great through my pregnancy as always. he gets up at 2am for my cravings despite the fact that he has to wake up at 4am to get ready for work, he calls to see if i need anything on his way home....everyday. he calls on his lunch to see how i am feeling....everyday. hes always saying how cute my belly is getting and how great i look. he rubs lotion on my belly. he massages my back about every night since i cant get a real massage, he does my pregnancy exercises with me every night and our relaxation. he makes me dinner, breakfast and lunch anytime he is home. he feels the baby move when shes going all crazy and he will even rub my belly in attempt to calm her down, he is sure to never go over the speed limit just in case if there are other stupid people on the road, and he always gives me a break or wakes up with the kids, gets them ready for bed or makes them dinner when he is home....ALWAYS. he has been awesome and at the same time that he is there for me and the baby bump physically he has been sure to just be there for ME emotionally without getting attached to the baby bump. i love him and appreciate him so much. and i know its not easy for him because this isn't even his baby. thank you sweetie!!!!