The Last One

call it what you want, tell me im letting them win or that i care to much about what people think. in all honesty yes they might have won but its not cause i care what they think. to be honest blogging is just harder then i thought, i feel watched and dont feel like i can be honest with my feelings. if i have a problem with how this journey has gone or i feel that im not getting what i should i feel that everyone has an opinion and thats fine but really i have enough stresses in my life that no one even knows about including rick and anna that i just dont need one more negative right now. usually me being me i would tell these people to mind thier own business and that if you dont like what i have to say then dont read it, but i dont have the energy anymore. maybe after the baby who knows but these hormones have really made me go soft lol. i remind myself everyday of all the things i have to be grateful for in this world and trust me i have more then i could count. i love my life good and bad and i love myself! this is why you will rarely hear me complain about anything cause i know i am blessed and i know there is always someone out there who has it worse. so yes it got to me that the one time i was honest about how i felt and showed some weakness someone has the nerve to say something that they know nothing about. i think very few of you realize that with every "your amazing" i get im getting ten other "your crazy, what are you thinking, how money hungery are you, how awful to give away your own child, how dare you bring a child in this would to serve a purpose" and i could go on. this is from family, so called friends, strangers, aquaintances...... anyone with a mouth really. after a while it gets to me. rick and anna seem to get how happy people are for them more then how crazy they are but more people seem to be sad for me then happy, as if im loosing out on something, as if i should be pittied. so yes you win, this will be my last blog regarding surrogacy. any blog after this will be about my family and whats new with us. if you care to know more then you can email me and ask! i dont have the energy to keep defending what im doing i have more then you know going on in my life physically and mentally. thank you though for the few who have supported me through out this whole thing.