Anna's last post made me a bit gloomy. it makes me wonder if I'm taking advantage of this "gift" that I'm able to give. as much pain as I'm in as miserable as i am some days, should i be thanking god that i have the ability to feel this way at all. it seems i should because Anna is wishing everyday that she could feel all this pain and in almost every way i completely understand it. i think its human nature to desire what you don't have, i know I'm guilty at times. i think all this is a lesson that no matter whats absent in your life that you should find the blessing in the good and bad . after all it all has a purpose. its difficult to look at my own lesson at the moment but i think that because Anna is unable to have this baby bump of her own that she will definitely never take advantage of the blessing that comes after the baby bump, the baby herself. she will Cherish every mess, every sleepless night, every spit up, every poopy diaper, and every night that the baby falls asleep on her and despite that her arms and butt are asleep she will Cherish every tingly body part, when most take advantage of these things everyday. it makes me more grateful to be doing this for them. i wish Anna could carry this baby herself and experience what it's like to give birth to her baby and even though she has been here from beginning to end i know its not the same. if all i can do is allow them to be apart of this pregnancy as much as possible and promise not to take advantage of a single painful day then i promise to do it. I've heard it before "whats 9 months compared to a lifetime" and you know that's just not right. yes they will have a lifetime with her and if your just measuring time your right, 9 months is no comparison but its not about the time its about the bonding and I'm grateful that i can grasp this cause it allows me to have empathy for the other side and today i am grateful that i can feel the pain of pregnancy.
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