Emotions Run Deep

As this journey continues I still get a lot of mystification on how and why I chosen to be a surrogate. Ill start off by saying that this isn’t referring to anyone in particular cause I’ve gotten these comments more time then I can count from more people then I can even remember. And I’m sure these people meant no harm. I often get people telling me how amazing it is that I’m willing sacrifice my life, body and time for someone else. As much as this compliment makes me squirm in my chair out of discomfort I still appreciate it. However they often time follow that compliment with “I don’t think I could do it myself because….” The reason for that “because” usually turns out as “I just love babies to much I don’t think I could give it away” or “if it were biologically half mine then I would just feel too connected to give it up” or my all time favorite, “I would hate to get all those stretch marks, loose skin and extra weight gain and have nothing in return”

Well I thought I would give you MY feelings about all this. Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE babies too, in fact I love them so much I think everyone who feels passionate about having a baby should be able to. There are just too many people in this world who have kids who shouldn’t, or didn’t even want them. So if someone feels that a baby is what’s going to make their family feel complete then they deserve that blessing. Unfortunately many people cant conceive on there own and adoption just isn’t an option for reasons like money. Now yes surrogates do cost money in most cases but in some cases like ours it doesn’t cost anything unless the intended parents want it to. So again, I love babies so much that I am willing to be a surrogate in order to give a beautiful and well deserving family the chance to experience what I get to experience everyday of my life. And I’ll tell you, it’s the best feeling in the world to come to the realization that you love something so small way more then you ever loved yourself or anything at that matter and this all happens instantly!

Now ill go on to explain what family is to me. Family is someone or people who you love absolutely, who you would sacrifice anything for. And I could go on, but I have also learned that best friends can be family and not even be related. It’s because family is much more then DNA. And if we flip it around you will often times see that just because two people are connected by blood doesn’t make them “family” at all for whatever the circumstances. But I often find this feeling among children who have a mom or dad who abandoned them. These children often times want nothing to do with this biological parent regardless of DNA. I think I’ve gotten that point across. This baby is biologically half mine and because of that I love her, and desire only good things for her however she isn’t mine and that’s how I truly feel. Now if you asked me if I could ever put my own child up for adoption I would tell you “absolutely NOT!!” and you might ask yourself how being a surrogate is any different. Well it’s very different! I didn’t just get pregnant and find myself unable to emotionally or financially take care of a baby. Instead I sought two or one people out to fulfill their dreams of having a baby. And then we made a baby with that purpose, with the purpose of it being for another couple. There is only one other way of explaining this. I have an old friend my age that is now married and has a baby girl of her own and is expecting a baby boy any time now. She is also a foster mom. Now she knows that she will be taking care of babies and children who are waiting to get adopted. She falls in love with each one all the time and I once asked how she does it. How she loves and cares for these children and then watches them go to another family. She told me that she loves these children so much that she wants the very best for them she says that she went into being a foster mom knowing that these children would stay for only a short while before they go to another family. She said that as much as it hurts her to see them go that she also knows that it’s because of her and others like herself that makes it possible for families and children to become one.

So I guess you can say that yes I will love this baby and I will probably cry when she is gone but if that’s the little sacrifice I have to go through to make it possible for Rick and Anna, who have gone through more pain in the last 12 years that most go through in a life time, to finally feel whole then that’s the sacrifice that I am willing to take and embrace.

I wasn’t even going to write about the last comment “I would hate to get all those stretch marks, loose skin and extra weight gain and have nothing in return” just because its so absurd and self-centered but I’ve changed my mind, I think I will. I was having a conversation with a lady who I will keep anonymous. The conversation was about the women who was a surrogate for a couple, ended up having sextuplets for them and then decided at the hospital that she did not want to be compensated like was originally planned but instead that the money go back to the family to help support the new babies. I confidently said aloud that I would absolutely do the same thing! The lady I was talking to kinda chuckled and said that I must be a better women then her cause she would be at least asking for a tummy tuck. Now ye I’m sure she might have been trying to be comical, but still. I didn’t say anything just because there othe individuals around and I think she made herself sound bad enough as is. What I was thinking though was that a woman who was obviously strong and wonderful enough to carry six babies for a family and then realize that they would now obviously need the money more then she would is definitely not a woman who is insecure or even a woman who is thinking of herself and a stupid tummy tuck. Now this lady who I was having this conversation with is nice and sweet and she has beautiful kids of her own. She is church going and family oriented so I really don’t think she meant for herself to come across so self absorbed and insecure but she did and this conversation has stayed with me. I think people get so caught up an money and there own lives that they forget that there is a whole world out there. More families that they can think of who are going through worse then they can imagine. But I truly believe that if people didn’t have the mindset that this woman had in that moment, that we wouldn’t be as bad off as we have become. A saying I use to use a lot before I “grew up” was that “you cant expect me to give to charity when I’m my own charity” I have since realized that money isn’t what makes the world go round as much as everyone would like to believe that, it just isn’t. It’s not the worlds biggest problem….WE are the worlds biggest problem and we are the ones who should be taking responsibility for the money crises we are in now and how ungrateful our kids have become. People are so materialistic that we spend decades trying to “one up” each other that now we have nowhere to go but down. We now have to down size our lives that is. So as hippie as it might sound, the love that I am trying to share with this couple is what makes us go round. Everything else is temporary, obviously LOL but it’s the feelings and memories that will out last our life time.

So I’ve rambled a bit but these are my thoughts on the comments I get. I don’t take them harshly because I some what know where these people are coming from. But they do stick with me.

Credit Goes To Rick!!

We met Rick and Anna at our doctors appointment. Nathan and the kids were able to go so that was exciting; well the ultra sound in itself was exciting. Jayvin said the baby was cute and Jazlynn said it was icky LOL. Every morning when she comes to wake me up she always asks “mommy, you sick today”? She is a witness to my throwing up through out the day. One day when she asked me why I was sick I just told her that sometimes the baby in mommy’s belly makes me feel icky. So now she tells every one that mommy has an icky baby in her belly. She really doesn’t like this baby and if I put myself in her shoes I understand completely. Ok so back to the ultra sound. All of us were really excited to find out the sex. I’ve been saying all along that it’s a girl. I was right with the twins and ridge. With the twins as soon as I found out I was having twins I picked out one boy name and one girl name and stopped there. I just knew that it was a boy and a girl. With Ridge we picked out a boy and a girl but I always leaned towards a boy, and I told everyone that I though it was a boy. Sure enough I was right with my kids and I’m right, again Its definitely a girl =)

You Don't Get No Stupid Medal

I don’t know how many times I have heard that I’m foolish for wanting a natural childbirth. I suppose I could understand where people are coming from. Why would any one want to feel such pain when now days through medication you just don’t have to anymore? If you want to get medicated during your delivery then that’s your choice and there is nothing wrong with that. I can respect any decision made as long as you have done your research about that medication. And in some cases medical interventions save the lives of mother and baby and in those cases I think medication and even csections should be used.

For me and some others it’s just different. I WANT to feel that pain. For me its not torture. Instead for me it’s knowing that I am actually giving birth to my child instead of just attending the birth. Now I’ve heard it more times then I can count and you’re right, you don’t get a medal for not getting an epidural or doing it natural. If you do than I missed out and will be contacting my hospital to get mine cause that was hard work. However you do get a sense of achievement, you will never be more proud of yourself and you will feel like you just concord the world. That in itself is way better then some medal ill tell you. Cause that feeling stays with you forever and actually does have an effect on you and how you make future decisions.

now what gets me most is how moms say, and i believe that they would die for their kids before they would let any harm come to them but then when they get into a very phisically painful situation like labor then all that just goes out the window! knowing that there is even a small possibility that harm could come to your baby why would you even want to chance it for your own pain relief? is it selfishness, ignorance in not knowing the real facts? I could go on an on and on and still not get my point across. So ill leave it there.

This is research that I have done on epidurals. Pretty much everything I’ve read with recent research says the same thing. It hasn’t been till the last several years that there has even been research done on epidurals and the long term effect it has on the baby. So here you go, don’t argue with me argue with the scientist who have came to these conclusions based on data and facts =)


Epidurals are becoming increasingly popular as a method of relievingthe pain of labor. Many women can not understand why a woman would....labor without one. Many physicians love them because the laboring....woman is calm and quiet, easy to control. Many hospitals take advantage....of the docility of epiduralized women to increase the patient load of....nurses, who are freed up from their labor support responsibilities.....Walking down the hallways of a hospital that uses a lot of epidurals....can be an eerie experience. The labor floor is quiet and still. Women....watch television and talk on the phone as they await the birth of their....babies. Some of them even complain of boredom....... ..The clear benefit of epidurals is that they can totally relieve the....pain of labor. The procedure involves the placement of a needle into a....space in the back near the spinal cord. Local anesthetics and sometimes....narcotics can be instilled directly or, more commonly, a thin catheter....or tube is left in place and medication is given as needed. Usually,....the body from the middle of the abdomen down to the feet becomes numb.....The legs feel very heavy, and moving them without help or walking is....impossible. Many women no longer have any sense that they are in labor,....some continue to feel tightening of the stomach or mild pelvic....pressure. The pain block lasts around an hour, depending on the....strength of the labor and the womans tolerance for pain and what....anesthetics were used. If the catheter was left in place, as is....commonly done, a continuous infusion or repeated doses of the....medication can be given without having to repeat the insertion....procedure....... ..Use of an epidural is far safer than general anesthesia for both the....mother and baby, if cesarean section is indicated. For certain women....experiencing serious health problems, such as high blood pressure or....heart problems, the epidural can potentially prevent further illness or....death during labor. However, we must remember that there are several....drawbacks to this method of pain relief and there are some serious....potential health risks for the mother and baby. Epidurals, like any....medical tool, can be used wisely to positive effect or lead to serious....unintended results. They can sometimes signal the beginning of a....cascade of interventions that culminate in a cesarean section....... ..Epidurals do not always work as advertised. There can be difficulties....with placing it, leading to long and uncomfortable repeated attempts by....the anesthesiologist to insert the needle into the proper place. This....is more common in overweight women, because the physicians use bony....landmarks to find the proper spot for insertion. Once it is in place,....the pain block can be patchy, with numbness over most of the legs and....lower abdomen, hampered by the persistence of a small "window" of pain,....usually on one side of the abdomen. Or it might not work at all. Both....of these problems can usually be corrected by moving the catheter, if....that fails, a repeat of the insertion procedure is necessary....... ..A woman needs to have an IV in place before and for the duration of her....labor with the epidural. This is because one common side effect of the....medication is a drop in blood pressure, immediately after it is given.....This can lead to a drop in the blood flow to the baby and a drop in the....babys heart rate. IV fluids before and after the procedure, along with....medications to raise the blood pressure can usually correct the....problem. Procedures vary with institutions and providers, but usually....the baby's heart rate must be monitored continuously and the mother's....blood pressure checked periodically. So now the woman who walked into....the room under her own power is unable to even turn over in bed without....help, has an IV in her arm, a belt around her belly with monitors and....cables to the fetal monitor, a catheter in her back that may run to a....medication pump, and sometimes a blood pressure cuff around her arm.....If the fetal heart rate looks troublesome, especially if it dropped....along with the woman's blood pressure, the attendant may want to attach....a more sensitive monitor to the baby's head. This would necessitate....breaking the bag of water, if it was not yet broken. The cable for the....monitor runs out the woman's vagina to the fetal monitoring unit. Also,....oxygen via a mask on the woman's face will commonly be used to bring....more oxygen to the baby. Because of the numbness, many women are....unable to urinate until the epidural wears off. So, along with all the....other tubes and wires, she will need a catheter into the bladder to....empty her urine. This urine tube carries with it a risk of urinary....tract infection in the postpartum period. If narcotics are used, a....common side effect is intense itching, usually of the face and stomach.....Also it is not uncommon to shiver uncontrollably after receiving an....epidural. Some amount of back discomfort from bruising at the insertion....site is common for some days after birth....... ..Up to this point I have discussed the effects of the epidural that....could be termed merely annoying. In my experience, woman who really....want an epidural don't seem to mind all the tubes and wires or being....numb and detached from her labor. However, epidurals also have....potential effects that are more serious....... ..The most common, but still rare (about 1 out of a hundred) problem....occurs when the fluid space that surrounds the cord is punctured. This....is called a spinal puncture and can lead to an extremely debilitating....and painful headache within 24 hours. The anesthesiologist can usually....warn you if this has occurred and it is treatable. Very rarely there is....a problem with the insertion and medication is inadvertently injected....into the spinal space, resulting in a higher level of numbness. The....arms and muscles that control breathing may be affected. Artificial....respiration may be required until the effects of the medication have....worn off. If the medication is accidentally injected into a blood....vessel, seizures can result. These last two very rare problems are....medical emergencies and require skillful medical care and usually an....immediate cesarean section to deliver the baby, while the mother's....medical condition is stabilized....... ..A commonly acknowledged problem with the epidural is its effect on....labor. A woman who receives an epidural may increase her risk of....cesarean by as much as five times. This is not simply a problem with....the contractions slowing down, because contractions can be stimulated....with pitocin by IV. Many women who have epidurals need pitocin to....continue labor. Even with pitocin, a higher number of women cannot....birth their baby without the use of forceps, vacuum, or cesarean. The....numbness produced by the epidural makes it more difficult to push....effectively, prolonging this stage of labor, and exhausting the mother.....Many women are not aware of their contractions and need to be told when....to push. Allowing the epidural to wear off before beginning pushing can....prevent this to some extent, but not only is it often difficult for....women to handle the pain of contractions after being pain-free for so....long, but also the muscle weakness and leg heaviness seem to last....longer than the pain relief. Therefore, the woman is in pain and still....not necessarily able to push effectively....... ..A woman who receives an epidural is more likely to give birth by....cesarean because of failure to dilate. The hypothesized reason for this....is that the muscles of the pelvic floor relax and allow the baby to....assume a less optimal position. The baby's head then fails to apply....proper pressure to help the cervix to dilate. Also the baby can get....stuck in a position that makes it more difficult to fit down the birth....canal, such as posterior or "sunny side up"....... ..The greatest risk of cesarean comes when the epidural is given in early....labor, before 5 centimeters, especially if the woman is having her....first vaginal birth. Also, if the baby is still high up in the pelvis....or in a posterior position when the epidural is given, the risk of....cesarean is elevated. If the baby is low down (called zero station)....when the epidural is given, the risk of cesarean may not be increased....... ..Effects have also been noted on the babies. Infants who are exposed to....epidurals can have behavior difficulties in the first days after birth.....They can be more irritable and hard to console and may be less....responsive. They can have difficulty coordinating their movements and....responding to reflexes, which can make early breast feeding difficult.....This has implications for successful establishment of breast feeding,....as early and frequent feeding is ideal to secure a proper milk supply.....Additionally, it has also been researched the long term side effects. Behavioral problems later in life such as ADD ADHD and Autism Has been linked back to epidurals. It is said that this pain medication can cause minor brain damage in infants that are not noticeable till the later years. Not to mention the bonding between parents and the baby can be....disturbed, which has potential life-long consequences for the....parent-child relationship....... .... ..The fact remains that a woman who wants to maximize her ability to....birth her baby vaginally, unassisted by forceps or vacuum, should....Seriously consider and attempt all reasonable alternatives available to....her before requesting an epidural. A woman who has become educated....about pregnancy, childbirth, and breast feeding and has avoided all....potential harms to her child by eating properly and exercising during....her pregnancy may want to carefully consider the potential effects of....an epidural on her ability to successfully breast feed and bond with....her baby after birth. Please don't write to me and tell me how you had....an epidural at 2 centimeters and you pushed for twenty minutes and....delivered the baby without an episiotomy and the baby latched on right....away and still nurses 10 times a day. I have seen it happen, too. As I....stated earlier, many women seem very satisfied with their experience....with epidurals. However, a discussion of epidurals is not complete....without serious consideration of the potential risks involved.....

Monkey Toe Socks

Life is getting more and more complicated. Its nice knowing that we’re almost “there” but the adventures that get us there are anything but amusing. We had found a really great apartment for the cheapest that I have seen lately. We were willing to downsize and squeeze into a dinky box just to save and for things to be more convenient (trying not to get into to many details) however things kinda fell through and even though I’m at peace with it, its still that feeling of “what do we do now” that I’m loathing.

I had doubts from the beginning but with us being on such a time crunch I figured we just needed to find a place and quick. Last night before I went to be I semi sarcastically said “god just give me a freakin sign, I can’t do this on my own”. Now I’m not big on religion but I do believe in god himself or at least the theory of it all but I’m not one to ask him for help. Last night I woke up from 3 dreams. No this is not a “I had a dream” speech, I was earnestly surprised myself. All the dreams were about us buying a house, that’s all I needed.

So this evening is our third birthing class. We have asked Jenny, our teacher to Doula me as well. So all we need to do now is have a meeting with her so Nathan can meet her. Nathan is VERY much apart of my laboring and birthing process. He doesn’t stand next to the bed and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, not that there is anything wrong with that. With Ridge he was massaging me, at one point for 5 hours non stop. He was standing on the bed massaging and doing acupressure the whole time. It was a sight to see ill tell you that much. The pictures posted above is just a glimpse of what he did for the whole 28 hours, and yes those are monkey toe socks =) So since he is so involved we need to make sure that Jenny and he both feel comfortable working together.

Ill update you on how the class went when I get home.

Let's Step On Some Toes Shall We

Today we went to our doctor’s appointment with Dr. Kells nurse practioner. I think Anna liked the office well enough. I never really paid much attention to the office but today I did since I was checking it out for Anna and I both. As soon as I walked in the front desk lady said “oh what did you end up having Krystal?) I was startled a little since I wasn’t expecting it but then realized she really was talking to me. Me and Nathan chose not to know the sex of Ridge so all the staff was always guessing what he would be. I told her it was a boy and she just started talking to me as if we were life long friends. I think Anna picked up on it as well. It was just over all very comfortable and not rushed at all. Looking back I do remember that always being the way the staff was but also never paid to much attention either. Whether we go with dr. kells or the midwife there I don’t care at this point because I’m just tired of looking =)

We have an appointment Tuesday to get an ultra sound done and were all very excited!!!

After the appointment Rick, Anna, Nathan, the kids and I all went to chick-fil-let to get a bite to eat and let the kids play. It was nice spending time together and being able to relax and just have a conversation. Rick and Anna both try and be so supportive and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it and need it as well. I think Anna and I try so hard not to over step our boundaries and respect each others busy lives that ironically enough that’s a big part of what keeps us from getting as close as we should be. I think we just need to suck it up and step on each others toes a little. I want to be able to go shopping and pick out baby stuff with the two of them. I know it’s their time but maybe just a day. And I want us to just walk around the mall, or get a bite to eat; maybe coffee, well hot soy milk for me LOL but you get the point.

I don’t feel the baby kick much. In fact I’ve only felt her kick once since I was 13 weeks. With my others, at 14 weeks and then on they were dancing machines, but she’s different. She is just as sweet as can be, beautiful and gentle natured….everything I am not. In a way I think maybe it’s a blessing that I don’t feel her. Maybe its god’s way of helping me not bond to much, after all he knows best. I cherish the time I have with her, after all this will be the only time that I will have her cuddled so close to me. Then it will be her mammas turn, so I will take advantage while I can. I love her so much and I can’t wait to meet her. I can’t wait to see what she looks like and what her personality is. But most of all I can’t wait to see Rick and Anna’s face when they see their miracle baby make her grand entrance into this world. I’m just so honored o be apart of this.

My Pity Me Moment

The last week has been pretty dire. I’m still having a lot of morning sickness; it’s hard to keep much down. I’ve had insomnia at night and saying I’m exhausted during the day is an understatement. I can’t whine too much, this pregnancy has still been easier then my last two.

With the twins I was put on bed rest almost immediately and had lost about 20lbs over the first 3 months. I had something called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. For those of you who don’t know what this is, Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is frequently described as consistent nausea and vomiting during pregnancy that prevents the woman from eating food and drinking fluids. This severe nausea and violent vomiting prevent the body from retaining and utilizing food and fluid. Some common concerns associated with untreated hyperemesis include:
· rapid loss of weight (sometimes more than 10% of pre-pregnancy weight)
· dehydration
· critical nutrient deficiencies in early pregnancy
· metabolic imbalances, including ketosis
· inability to participate in previous levels of activity, including daily living
I only gained a little over 25lbs with the twins and can’t believe I actually made it to 34 weeks and 1/7days. Between my disorders, the stress that Nathan caused me and me being in and out of the hospital with kidney infections and pre-term labor I have to admit that my current pregnancy is a breeze.
With Ridge it was much easier then the twins but still very difficult to even function. I was sick all day every day the whole 9 months no cracker, fluid or medicine helped. With him I lost 10lbs the first 2 months and didn’t gain my first pound till I was 7 months. Between 7 months and my delivery I managed to gain 65lbs which really took a toll on my body. I couldn’t imagine how this rapid weight gain was even possible; I didn’t even have much of an appetite. I ended up being 2 weeks and 3 days over due which I can’t even tell you how miserable I was. I finally delivered my healthy, fat baby and not but 24 hours after I had delivered the DR put me on a scale to see how much water weight I had been carrying and the scale showed that I had lost 45lbs in just one day. Now that’s a dieters dream!! So turns out I gained a healthy 20lbs with Ridge and the other 45lbs was water and junk =).
Well again this pregnancy is much easier then both so you would think I shouldn’t even be complaining right?! I agree with you. This pregnancy is pretty much your basic pregnancy. I’m still nauseous and still throwing up but other then that, what more can I expect?! I barely keep up with my 3 babies and somehow I manage to clean the house and cook a healthy dinner at night but I tell you what…..this is just down right grueling.
Ok so there’s my pity me moment. Everyone is allowed one every once in a while right?

Birth Plan

Well its official, we have an apt. with MY OBGYN this Friday, that I had my babies with. I really don’t care who my OBGYN ends up being as long as we are in an agreement with my birth plan or at least have room for negotiation. I don’t want to be stuck at the hospital in labor and having to argue why I wont take potocin, or don’t want an IV but just the Hep Lock (how ever you spell that) instead. I was hoping to deliver at a hospital that had wireless monitoring that way I was free to get in and out of the water as I wish and Dr. Kells (my dr.) does not deliver at a hospital that is equipped with such things. So if its Dr. Kells then so be it but I really wouldn’t mind finding a different doctor just so I could have a different hospital to deliver at. Either way I think I’m just tired of looking.

This is my birth plan that I had with Ridge. I stuck to everything in my plan down to a tee. It was very gratifying. Anna, Rick and I have decided to remain with this plan but change it so it involves all 3 of us. Take a look and feel free to tell me what you think weather you agree or not I’m open to hearing everyone’s point of view!!

Patient of Dr. Kells
We look forward to sharing our upcoming birth with you. We have created the following birth plan to help you understand our preferences for our upcoming labor and delivery. We fully understand that in certain circumstances these guidelines may not be followed. If time permits, we would like discussion of alternatives and consequences, and some private time for discussion. My partner and I have researched and planned hard for this delivery by taking our 12 week Bradley Method birthing classes. These classes along with extensive research ourselves provided us with great knowledge and preparation so we hope that you will respect our wishes to do this natural.....
Sincerely, ....
Krystal Brauer and Nathan Woodworth....
....
Labor Hopes....
....
-We plan to have present at this birth our Doula, the Father, our two kids, mothers of both parties for support, and a select few who have visitation rights. ....
....
-The birth environment is very important to us. For that reason we ask that the lights be kept dim, noise be avoided and the door closed for privacy. We will bring our own music, and mom would like to wear her own clothes during the birth....
....
-We would like a family member of choice to be allowed to take photos or video tape labor and birth....
....
-Vaginal exams be kept to a minimum....
....
- We plan to handle pain with relaxation, massage and other natural techniques. Please do not offer chemical pain relief....
....
- If an event should arrive where medication would be needed, we would like discussion of alternatives and consequences, and some private time for discussion.....
....
- We understand that mom will not be able to walk the halls due to internal monitoring therefore we would like mom to be out of bed walking the room freely, and change positions as she wishes. ....
....
- If labor or delivery seems stalled, we would like the opportunity to try different positions (hands and knees, squatting, birth stools, etc.). ....
....
Delivery Hopes....
- Mom would like to push at her own pace (Mother-Directed Pushing). ....
- Mom prefers not to have an episiotomy unless determined to be medically necessary. She would first like to try perineal massage....
- If labor or delivery seems stalled, we would like the opportunity to try different positions (hands and knees, squatting, birth stools, etc.). ....
- We would like baby placed on mom's stomach/chest immediately after delivery....
After Delivery....
- We would like to have baby placed on the mother's chest with skin-to-skin contact immediately after the birth ....
- We wish to nurse baby immediately. We ask that any evaluations be done while mom is holding baby. We also ask that the cord not be cut until it stops pulsing....
- If the baby is a boy, then we would like a circumcision with father present.....
- If baby must be taken from mom to receive medical treatment, the father or some other person we designate will accompany baby at all times....
- Please delay the eye medication and vitamin K shot until we have spent some time with baby, preferably as long as possible before leaving the labor and delivery room.....
- Father would like to be present at the baby's first bath ....
- If baby is healthy we would like baby to room-in....
Breastfeeding....
- Unless medically necessary and mom and dad have been notified, we do not wish to have any bottles given to baby (including glucose water or plain water).....
- We do not want baby to be given a pacifier....
Thank you for taking the time to help us achieve a natural childbirth for our third baby =).....

This Might Start A Debate

We had our 19 week apt. today. Wasted an hour filling out paper work, another 15 min waiting for the doctor and had to pee in a stupid cup that’s hard enough on its own let alone with a huge belly…and why might you ask? To get into the office, meet the doc and inform her almost instantaneously that she just wasn’t for us.

She first came and immediately told me that she had an issue with my birth plan. The one issue of many I’m sure was that I refuse pitocin
I don’t care for pitocin to begin with and if you actually look at all the data on it you might understand, but in my situation I’m really opposed to it since I’m having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) this will be my second VBAC. For those who aren’t familiar with a VBAC, a lot of doctors wont do them mostly cause of liability. There is a less than 1% chance that your uterus can rupture during labor because of the contractions having an impact on the scar tissue of the csection. If this happens you go in for an emergency csection. Now I would think everyone knows that there are higher %’s in pregnancy and labor that other things can go off beam. So doctors don’t necessarily not do them because there not safe but just the liability. not to mantion that with a VBAC doctors have to be at the hospital for the whole labor when usually with normal births doctors just show up to catch the baby. this is alot of time out of thier day and i could understand that. in fact some of the doctors that do VBAC will actually tell you that this is why they only allow 1-2 VBAC's a month. So now I’m sure everyone knows what pitocin is for?! It’s supposed to speed up your body’s natural process during labor to open your cervix. If you don’t know, your body already produces its own pitocin but some doctors don’t want a laboring woman to sit there for hours with nothing happening to their cervix, again for liability or cause they have better things to do. Who knows? Well pitocin also makes your contractions stronger, and more intense, this is how it speeds up your dilation process but in return putting more pressure on your scar. Well like I said before. To much pressure on the scar and it can potentially rupture. So please tell me how giving pitocin to a laboring women doing a VBAC is safe. In all the research that I have done and I’ve done A LOT I have NEVER come across anything that said it was ok to give pitocin to a laboring women with a VBAC in fact each article has made a point to state that in order to have a successful VBAC pitocin should not be used.

Well there’s my knowledge on this subject…look it up for yourself. When it came down to it the doctor’s response to my last question was “well that’s just the way we do it in the practice”. Anna graciously asked if she knew of any other doctors that were ok with no pitocin and the doc laughed and said “absolutely not” so I turned to Anna and said “its ok Anna, my Dr does we can go to him…in fact he loved my birth plan” well la-de-fricken-da. What do you have to say to that Dr? So were switching ….again. I’m thinking that we will go back to my doctor who I had the twins and Ridge with; he was fine with my birth plan.

So long story short….ok too late, we didn’t get an ultra sound so we still don’t know what the baby is. I’m very glad I’m taking the Bradley classes and doing my own research. With out it I would be just another patient who thinks that what there doc says must be right. Now don’t get me wrong I have full respect for all doctors out there whether I agree with them or not, every one is entitled to there own opinion. However a lot of doctors don’t keep up with the latest research and most get there info from a book that is one sided written by one person and if you ask me that’s a little bias. Well there’s my thoughts for today. Enjoy, and before you criticize I’m not saying that anyone who’s opposed to my opinion is wrong just saying that I don’t agree with you and have knowledge and data to back it up. Don’t go getting butt hurt now =)

Counting The Little Blessings

Its days like today that make me remember how much I love my hubby. No matter how difficult I can be or how hormonal he always swoops in and saves the day. He never hesitates to ask if I want him to take all three kids grocery shopping for me not only so I don’t have to do it later but so I can have “me time” as he puts it. He works all day and you would think that he would be agitated that the house isn’t clean, dinner isn’t made or whatever…but he never is. I always apologize when the chores aren’t done but he just tells me that as long as me and the kids had fun that’s all that matters. Now don’t go thinking that I do nothing! For the most part dinner is made and the house is spotless…that’s just me; I like a tidy and organized family. And I will never take for granted how he makes me breakfast every morning that he’s home or even when he gets up for work waaaaayy before us he will make something little and put it in the fridge for me for when I wake up =). No folks I have not trained him LOL he trained himself. He didn’t always used to be this charming man that he is now. He actually used to be a jerk. He one day took it upon himself, said “you and the kids deserve better and I’m going to give you just that” and then he did…he just, changed. I love him for it, I thank him for it. And its days like these that make me remember how much I love him!

Thoughts To Ponder

Tonight Rick, Anna and I went to our Bradley Natural Birthing class. It’s a twelve week coarse and I couldn’t enlighten you enough how amazing this class is. I took it with Ridge and without it I would not have been able to give birth to my 9lbs 9oz 23in baby boy natural. I will tell you how amazing giving birth natural was. I wont lie those were the most painful 28 hours of my life, and there were many moment…ok hours that I wanted to give up, I didn’t even ask for an epi, I went straight for the c-section LOL that’s how bad it hurt. But my labor was triumphant and it truly has made me feel like I can accomplish anything.

Anna seems to like the classes. I can see that it brings some pain to her knowing that these classes are not preparing her for her own labor but instead me. I wish I could take that ache away for her, but what do you say? I can’t tell her I understand. I will never understand the years of loss she endured. But the little I can do I try to do and I just hope she sees that.

Rick is sooooo enthused with the classes --------> ok so I’m being sarcastic. He hates them. I do appreciate that he is going though. I told them from the beginning that I want…I need their full support and not only that but I wanted them to be apart of this. I was not up for renting out my uterus. They needed to be 100% involved and even though I sometimes wish they were more so involved I do believe that they are doing the best that they know how to. With Rick going to our classes shows me that even though he could be at home, sleeping, watching TV ect that he is already being a father and sacrificing one thing with many more to come for his little miracle baby.

There are times that I doubt my decision in picking the couple I did. It has nothing to do with Rick and Anna themselves but just in my own confidence that I would pick out great parents for this baby. I didn’t have a first-class example of what a good parent is because ill be honest and say it, my parents kinda sucked. I love them and all but…ill just leave it there. So how can I be confident in a colossal decision as this one. Could you believe it. Me…playing GOD? That’s what it feels like at times. I have a hard enough time attending church let alone doing gods work or whatever you would like call it.

Well….just thoughts to ponder before bed. One more day down so many to go and yet I’m excited about it all!

Pitter Patter Of Emotions

Just so all know this is my FIRST actual NEW post. The previous post are old ones that I just copied and pasted from my other journal. I am now 5 months and doing as good as I can be doing with growing a human and all. I was reminiscing today about the last time we had our ultrasound. It was so different then when I was pregnant with my kids. I felt nothing, no happiness for myself, no tears of joy, just emotionless. All my focus was on Rick and Anna and seeing their faces light up when they saw their baby. They teared up, and were smiling ear to ear. It reminded me that day that all the hurtful things I’ve heard from people lately simply don’t matter. Who cares if people think I’m doing this for the attention. I know I’m not. I’ve never been an attention chaser anyways. Who cares if people think I’m doing this for money, I know that I’m not getting paid, so I don’t need to explain that to anyone. All that matters is that Rick and Anna are happy and they will soon be a complete family!
I have no attachment to this baby at all even with it being biologically half mine. Is that really wrong? Am I cold? I don’t think I am I believe I just went into this journey with a mind set, knowing that this baby has a purpose. This baby is very special, Rick and Anna have been planning for this baby for 13 years now, and now, its finally here. This baby has more people that love her then anyone I know, including me. I love her. I’m not attached but I still love her. How is that even possible? I can’t wait to have her, hold her, kiss her and then give her to her momma. I’m eager for that day.

I Wish I Could Do More

Anna I believe has picked and signed up for our Bradley method birthing class. I do believe it will be me Anna and Rick attending the class. Im excited to get a refresher with this class cause even though it’s only been 7 months since we had ridge and only 9 months since we took the classes with Ridge you really do forget a lot. I actually wish I would have forgotten more cause the labor and pushing is still very fresh in my mind which makes me nervous to do it again =) I had a very hard labor with Ridge and even though I had the joy of experiencing it natural, it was no breeze pushing my 10 pounder out =)
I often wish that there was a way I could let rick and Anna experience this pregnancy more. I know they probably feel that their missing out on so much, and I couldn’t imagine. Every time I make a decision on what I eat, when I nap, places I go or what chores I do I always try and think first if it is something that Anna would do if she was pregnant. After all this is her baby and even though Anna has never told me what to, or what not to do I try and do it for her.
Already this baby is very demanding, she know what she wants that’s for sure. I don’t get a choice in what I eat, only one thing at any given time sounds like it will even stay down. So if a taco sounds good then guaranteed if I eat anything but I’ll find myself puking within the next 5 minutes. I can eat spoons full of salsa and it will never be hot enough. A big roast, grilled chicken, or a juicy steak always sounds appetizing but stick on a plate at put in front of me and I’ll be running for the bathroom. It doesn’t matter what I want, she has full control. She will be a very determined girl that’s for sure.

Random*ness

At 9 weeks I’m already starting to show. Sometimes its fine, it doesn’t bother me at all and then I step into my closet and stand there staring at a variety of clothes that just don’t want to fit =( it will be another year at least before I get to wear my cute clothes again. Yes I knew this would happen, I’m not saying I’m surprised but its just another thing that makes this so real.

Meat makes me sick so I’m eating every 30 mins stuffing my face with cottage cheese, beans, big spoons full of peanut butter and anything else I can find high in protein just to make my goal of 100 g of protein a day. This is just so impossible without beef or chicken in sight. By the end of the night I’m bursting at the seams and fatigued. Again I knew this would happen and I’m not saying I’m surprised.

I went to the chiropractor today. We went through all the questions including how far along I was. Saying 9 weeks with a 7 month old at home and oh did I mention my 3 year old twins to? Yes Mr. chiropractor man I am 23 years of age. I saw the look that came across his face. He was wondering how many baby daddies I had, since I marked my paper work single. They really need to put a spot to choose domestic partner or something.

I called my insurance today and put a change report in to let them know I was pregnant. The lady actually said when I told her “again?” yes lady who I can’t even understand I am pregnant AGAIN! Ill save you the question and just follow that with, and yes I’m 23 years of age. I sensed the unsteadiness in her voice. She was judging me saying to her self that if I stopped having so many damn kids maybe I wouldn’t have to be on govt insurance.

Jazlynn and Jayvin have noticed the baby bump. Jazzy knew it was a baby and was completely fine with my explanation. I explained that its Rick and Anna’s baby but the baby has to borrow mommy’s belly cause Mrs. Anna’s belly isn’t big enough. I questioned my answer but I think its age appropriate. She was satisfied with it. But with knowing that there is a baby in there comes with all the poking and pinching. Let me tell you how great it feels when your 3 years thinks playing with your rolls is fun. Trying to stretch out my already stretched out belly button to “see inside” I just fake a giggle cause the last thing I ever want is for her to hear the word fat come out of my mouth. We don’t use that word, we don’t use the word skinny either .

Well it’s all real and I feel it everyday, and if I don’t someone is always there to remind me. But a phone call from Anna every day makes me keep things in perspective. Its ok if my clothes don’t fit, it a good excuse to buy new ones. And hey there are many uses for peanut butter right? Think what you want Mr. chiropractor man cause I know if you ever found out the truth you’d feel like an ass. Lady that I cant understand on the phone, I don’t even care, DES is a pain in the ass any ways and as for jazzy and bubby, if there anything like me they wont have any trouble understanding this new life that’s borrowing mommy’s belly.

People These Days S-U-C-K!!!

I’ve been told “how could you give up a baby”, “what type of mom could just hand over her own child”, “what are you nuts? You have obviously not thought this through” and I could go on. It honestly really hurts my feeling that very few people have such little compassion with what I’m going through. So here’s my answer, I can give up a baby so easily because I have faith that this is what I’m supposed to do, the type of mom who can just hand over her own BIOLOGICAL child is the type of WOMEN who understand that there is no better joy in this world then to be a mother and if I can make that happen for someone I will do all that I can to make that happen, I have thought this through VERY well, and if i had any want to keep you in my buisness then i would explain more, but i do not wish to do so. and lastly no I’m not nuts I’m actually very sane but thanks for asking.
I know I’m rambling but my whole point is that I’m just very disappointed in people these days. can no one do an act of kindness these days without being questioned, criticized or mocked? Out of a whole lifetime that we have to live some one just can’t fathom giving up 9 short months thinking of a strangers well being instead of themselves?.! Really? It’s just very disappointing.

The First Phone Call

I was so excited when Anna first called me. I was a little nervouse, I’ve never been much of a phone person with my friends and even family let alone a complete stranger. We sat and talked and before I knew it 2 hours flew by. I felt really comfortable with her and she seemed like a very open minded person. I couldn’t believe the loss her and Rick had gone through, I couldn’t imagine how she is still so sane! i mean, 11 miscarages.....i couldn't imagine. When we got off the phone I remember going on and on telling Nathan how sweet, caring and wholesome she seemed. I told him that I already knew that this was the couple, I just knew it. Nathan was very supportive and very excited to meet the both of them.

We met at a Starbucks near our home. did i mention we live just a couple miles apart?!! that can't be coincidence! nathan and i arived first. I had butterflies in my tummy and a frog in my throat. I was so nervous I was shaking. All I kept thinking was, what if they thought I was too young, too naive, what if they thought I was crazy!? Every person that walked by I would whisper to Nathan “is that them?” they finally walked up and we sat down and I found that I really didn’t have much to say. I had completely pored my heart out on the phone for 2 hours the night before and now had nothing to say. What was there to say, I had already made my decision.

After deciding to go forward and meeting with a lawyer who had no m

ore to say then we already knew, we started with home inseminations. for those of you

who don't know what this is....I DID NOT have to have sex with Rick LOL. i actually get as

ked that a lot. I really think Anna thought it was taking me forever to get pregnant even

though she now says it’s happened so fast lol. Now after 2 months we are now pregnant!

How this all began

My name is Krystal, I live with my amazing fiancé Nathan and our three kids Jazlynn, Jayvin and Ridge in Gilbert AZ. A little over 4 years ago I met Nathan through some mutual friends and long story short we began dating. After 3 months of dating I found out I was pregnant. We were very surprised, well I guess you can’t be THAT surprised but either way it wasn’t planned. Just when I came to terms with being pregnant, at 8weeks I found out I was having twins. In all honesty I couldn’t imagine why at 19 god would not just give me 1 baby but 2. And this confusion is what I believe unknowingly started my journey to surrogacy.
When I got pregnant with our youngest, Ridge who is now almost 9 months, I started thinking about when I had found out I was having twins. I just couldn’t get over the fact that I’m 22 and about to have 3 kids! Not to mention I got pregnant the first time every time. How unfair when there are so many couples and singles that will just never experience the joy I am blessed with every day of my life. So I started looking into being a surrogate. I did lots of research about the laws, the pros and cons and I talked to so many couples. I was very overwhelmed and I little put off I might add. There were couples who wanted no contact during the pregnancy, just wanted to pay you for your "services" and that be that. Then there were couples who knew down to a tee that they wanted blond hair blue eyes, had to be over 5’5 but under 5’9 and could not weigh more then 125lbs. I was astonished and almost lost hope in ever finding a couple that had the same views about this journey that I did.
In December of 08, 2 months after my baby boy was born, I was looking in craigslist.com in the adopt adds. I was really looking for a puppy to adopt but I had just typed adopt so it brought up all adds. I was browsing through when an add that read “waiting to adopt your baby or child” caught my eye. What really caught my eye was the child part cause that’s pretty rare. I opened it and saw this cute picture of a short pretty lady with this tall manly looking guy lol. After reading there add, that honestly wasn’t much different then others I had read, I decided to write and ask if they had ever considered surrogacy. To this day I don’t know why I did, I mean I was just looking for a puppy, but I did and now were on a beautiful journey that i would like to share with you.