Pitter Patter Of Emotions

Just so all know this is my FIRST actual NEW post. The previous post are old ones that I just copied and pasted from my other journal. I am now 5 months and doing as good as I can be doing with growing a human and all. I was reminiscing today about the last time we had our ultrasound. It was so different then when I was pregnant with my kids. I felt nothing, no happiness for myself, no tears of joy, just emotionless. All my focus was on Rick and Anna and seeing their faces light up when they saw their baby. They teared up, and were smiling ear to ear. It reminded me that day that all the hurtful things I’ve heard from people lately simply don’t matter. Who cares if people think I’m doing this for the attention. I know I’m not. I’ve never been an attention chaser anyways. Who cares if people think I’m doing this for money, I know that I’m not getting paid, so I don’t need to explain that to anyone. All that matters is that Rick and Anna are happy and they will soon be a complete family!
I have no attachment to this baby at all even with it being biologically half mine. Is that really wrong? Am I cold? I don’t think I am I believe I just went into this journey with a mind set, knowing that this baby has a purpose. This baby is very special, Rick and Anna have been planning for this baby for 13 years now, and now, its finally here. This baby has more people that love her then anyone I know, including me. I love her. I’m not attached but I still love her. How is that even possible? I can’t wait to have her, hold her, kiss her and then give her to her momma. I’m eager for that day.