As this journey continues I still get a lot of mystification on how and why I chosen to be a surrogate. Ill start off by saying that this isn’t referring to anyone in particular cause I’ve gotten these comments more time then I can count from more people then I can even remember. And I’m sure these people meant no harm. I often get people telling me how amazing it is that I’m willing sacrifice my life, body and time for someone else. As much as this compliment makes me squirm in my chair out of discomfort I still appreciate it. However they often time follow that compliment with “I don’t think I could do it myself because….” The reason for that “because” usually turns out as “I just love babies to much I don’t think I could give it away” or “if it were biologically half mine then I would just feel too connected to give it up” or my all time favorite, “I would hate to get all those stretch marks, loose skin and extra weight gain and have nothing in return”
Well I thought I would give you MY feelings about all this. Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE babies too, in fact I love them so much I think everyone who feels passionate about having a baby should be able to. There are just too many people in this world who have kids who shouldn’t, or didn’t even want them. So if someone feels that a baby is what’s going to make their family feel complete then they deserve that blessing. Unfortunately many people cant conceive on there own and adoption just isn’t an option for reasons like money. Now yes surrogates do cost money in most cases but in some cases like ours it doesn’t cost anything unless the intended parents want it to. So again, I love babies so much that I am willing to be a surrogate in order to give a beautiful and well deserving family the chance to experience what I get to experience everyday of my life. And I’ll tell you, it’s the best feeling in the world to come to the realization that you love something so small way more then you ever loved yourself or anything at that matter and this all happens instantly!
Now ill go on to explain what family is to me. Family is someone or people who you love absolutely, who you would sacrifice anything for. And I could go on, but I have also learned that best friends can be family and not even be related. It’s because family is much more then DNA. And if we flip it around you will often times see that just because two people are connected by blood doesn’t make them “family” at all for whatever the circumstances. But I often find this feeling among children who have a mom or dad who abandoned them. These children often times want nothing to do with this biological parent regardless of DNA. I think I’ve gotten that point across. This baby is biologically half mine and because of that I love her, and desire only good things for her however she isn’t mine and that’s how I truly feel. Now if you asked me if I could ever put my own child up for adoption I would tell you “absolutely NOT!!” and you might ask yourself how being a surrogate is any different. Well it’s very different! I didn’t just get pregnant and find myself unable to emotionally or financially take care of a baby. Instead I sought two or one people out to fulfill their dreams of having a baby. And then we made a baby with that purpose, with the purpose of it being for another couple. There is only one other way of explaining this. I have an old friend my age that is now married and has a baby girl of her own and is expecting a baby boy any time now. She is also a foster mom. Now she knows that she will be taking care of babies and children who are waiting to get adopted. She falls in love with each one all the time and I once asked how she does it. How she loves and cares for these children and then watches them go to another family. She told me that she loves these children so much that she wants the very best for them she says that she went into being a foster mom knowing that these children would stay for only a short while before they go to another family. She said that as much as it hurts her to see them go that she also knows that it’s because of her and others like herself that makes it possible for families and children to become one.
So I guess you can say that yes I will love this baby and I will probably cry when she is gone but if that’s the little sacrifice I have to go through to make it possible for Rick and Anna, who have gone through more pain in the last 12 years that most go through in a life time, to finally feel whole then that’s the sacrifice that I am willing to take and embrace.
I wasn’t even going to write about the last comment “I would hate to get all those stretch marks, loose skin and extra weight gain and have nothing in return” just because its so absurd and self-centered but I’ve changed my mind, I think I will. I was having a conversation with a lady who I will keep anonymous. The conversation was about the women who was a surrogate for a couple, ended up having sextuplets for them and then decided at the hospital that she did not want to be compensated like was originally planned but instead that the money go back to the family to help support the new babies. I confidently said aloud that I would absolutely do the same thing! The lady I was talking to kinda chuckled and said that I must be a better women then her cause she would be at least asking for a tummy tuck. Now ye I’m sure she might have been trying to be comical, but still. I didn’t say anything just because there othe individuals around and I think she made herself sound bad enough as is. What I was thinking though was that a woman who was obviously strong and wonderful enough to carry six babies for a family and then realize that they would now obviously need the money more then she would is definitely not a woman who is insecure or even a woman who is thinking of herself and a stupid tummy tuck. Now this lady who I was having this conversation with is nice and sweet and she has beautiful kids of her own. She is church going and family oriented so I really don’t think she meant for herself to come across so self absorbed and insecure but she did and this conversation has stayed with me. I think people get so caught up an money and there own lives that they forget that there is a whole world out there. More families that they can think of who are going through worse then they can imagine. But I truly believe that if people didn’t have the mindset that this woman had in that moment, that we wouldn’t be as bad off as we have become. A saying I use to use a lot before I “grew up” was that “you cant expect me to give to charity when I’m my own charity” I have since realized that money isn’t what makes the world go round as much as everyone would like to believe that, it just isn’t. It’s not the worlds biggest problem….WE are the worlds biggest problem and we are the ones who should be taking responsibility for the money crises we are in now and how ungrateful our kids have become. People are so materialistic that we spend decades trying to “one up” each other that now we have nowhere to go but down. We now have to down size our lives that is. So as hippie as it might sound, the love that I am trying to share with this couple is what makes us go round. Everything else is temporary, obviously LOL but it’s the feelings and memories that will out last our life time.
So I’ve rambled a bit but these are my thoughts on the comments I get. I don’t take them harshly because I some what know where these people are coming from. But they do stick with me.
Well I thought I would give you MY feelings about all this. Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE babies too, in fact I love them so much I think everyone who feels passionate about having a baby should be able to. There are just too many people in this world who have kids who shouldn’t, or didn’t even want them. So if someone feels that a baby is what’s going to make their family feel complete then they deserve that blessing. Unfortunately many people cant conceive on there own and adoption just isn’t an option for reasons like money. Now yes surrogates do cost money in most cases but in some cases like ours it doesn’t cost anything unless the intended parents want it to. So again, I love babies so much that I am willing to be a surrogate in order to give a beautiful and well deserving family the chance to experience what I get to experience everyday of my life. And I’ll tell you, it’s the best feeling in the world to come to the realization that you love something so small way more then you ever loved yourself or anything at that matter and this all happens instantly!
Now ill go on to explain what family is to me. Family is someone or people who you love absolutely, who you would sacrifice anything for. And I could go on, but I have also learned that best friends can be family and not even be related. It’s because family is much more then DNA. And if we flip it around you will often times see that just because two people are connected by blood doesn’t make them “family” at all for whatever the circumstances. But I often find this feeling among children who have a mom or dad who abandoned them. These children often times want nothing to do with this biological parent regardless of DNA. I think I’ve gotten that point across. This baby is biologically half mine and because of that I love her, and desire only good things for her however she isn’t mine and that’s how I truly feel. Now if you asked me if I could ever put my own child up for adoption I would tell you “absolutely NOT!!” and you might ask yourself how being a surrogate is any different. Well it’s very different! I didn’t just get pregnant and find myself unable to emotionally or financially take care of a baby. Instead I sought two or one people out to fulfill their dreams of having a baby. And then we made a baby with that purpose, with the purpose of it being for another couple. There is only one other way of explaining this. I have an old friend my age that is now married and has a baby girl of her own and is expecting a baby boy any time now. She is also a foster mom. Now she knows that she will be taking care of babies and children who are waiting to get adopted. She falls in love with each one all the time and I once asked how she does it. How she loves and cares for these children and then watches them go to another family. She told me that she loves these children so much that she wants the very best for them she says that she went into being a foster mom knowing that these children would stay for only a short while before they go to another family. She said that as much as it hurts her to see them go that she also knows that it’s because of her and others like herself that makes it possible for families and children to become one.
So I guess you can say that yes I will love this baby and I will probably cry when she is gone but if that’s the little sacrifice I have to go through to make it possible for Rick and Anna, who have gone through more pain in the last 12 years that most go through in a life time, to finally feel whole then that’s the sacrifice that I am willing to take and embrace.
I wasn’t even going to write about the last comment “I would hate to get all those stretch marks, loose skin and extra weight gain and have nothing in return” just because its so absurd and self-centered but I’ve changed my mind, I think I will. I was having a conversation with a lady who I will keep anonymous. The conversation was about the women who was a surrogate for a couple, ended up having sextuplets for them and then decided at the hospital that she did not want to be compensated like was originally planned but instead that the money go back to the family to help support the new babies. I confidently said aloud that I would absolutely do the same thing! The lady I was talking to kinda chuckled and said that I must be a better women then her cause she would be at least asking for a tummy tuck. Now ye I’m sure she might have been trying to be comical, but still. I didn’t say anything just because there othe individuals around and I think she made herself sound bad enough as is. What I was thinking though was that a woman who was obviously strong and wonderful enough to carry six babies for a family and then realize that they would now obviously need the money more then she would is definitely not a woman who is insecure or even a woman who is thinking of herself and a stupid tummy tuck. Now this lady who I was having this conversation with is nice and sweet and she has beautiful kids of her own. She is church going and family oriented so I really don’t think she meant for herself to come across so self absorbed and insecure but she did and this conversation has stayed with me. I think people get so caught up an money and there own lives that they forget that there is a whole world out there. More families that they can think of who are going through worse then they can imagine. But I truly believe that if people didn’t have the mindset that this woman had in that moment, that we wouldn’t be as bad off as we have become. A saying I use to use a lot before I “grew up” was that “you cant expect me to give to charity when I’m my own charity” I have since realized that money isn’t what makes the world go round as much as everyone would like to believe that, it just isn’t. It’s not the worlds biggest problem….WE are the worlds biggest problem and we are the ones who should be taking responsibility for the money crises we are in now and how ungrateful our kids have become. People are so materialistic that we spend decades trying to “one up” each other that now we have nowhere to go but down. We now have to down size our lives that is. So as hippie as it might sound, the love that I am trying to share with this couple is what makes us go round. Everything else is temporary, obviously LOL but it’s the feelings and memories that will out last our life time.
So I’ve rambled a bit but these are my thoughts on the comments I get. I don’t take them harshly because I some what know where these people are coming from. But they do stick with me.
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